Chaxing: The Hottest Teen Trend That You Definitely Need To Know
…Supreme Court Rules: We Rule! …
…City Announces Subway Being Rebranded As “Uber Metro”…
… Red and Yellow Is The New Black…
…Corks Found To Only Be Holding Things Back…
…AMBER ALERT: Tiffany Amber Thiessen…
…Quiz: Does He Know You’re Illiterate? …
…Scientists find that Vaping is dope AF…
…Trump Asks Media “What’s A Tariff?”…
…The Academy Awards ‘In Memoriam’ Forgets To Mention Macaulay Culkin For The Third Year In A Row…
…“Specialist” not a real designation…
Cancer linked to death!
…Man Wakes Up From 10 Year Coma, Asks, “What’s Up With Lance Armstrong?”…
…Snow Is Just Rain That Forgot To Melt…
…Roast Beef: Lunch Meat or Middle Toe? Little Piggies Respond…
…Colonel Sanders Found to Have Never Served in the Military…
…Hillary Clinton Still Roaming The Woods…
…Mannequins found in store window…
…Cancer and Death to marry… cigarettes devastated…
…15 found dead in Warner Bros. Water Tower, at the Warner Movie lot…
…BitCoins Revealed To Be Pogs All Along…
…God found dead in space…
…Psychic Predicts World Already Over…
…Forks and outlets: you decide…
…AMBER ALERT: Spoon; Last seen running away with a Dish…
…Local Mom Still Talking About Tupperware…
…Forever 21 Turns 34 this year…
…RIP KOKO…
…Ophthalmologist: Glasses Are Sexy…
…BREAKING NEWS: New Yorkers shocked to learn Staten Island isn’t part of New Jersey…
…San Francisco and Oakland make up; will become one city…
Cigarettes linked to cancer!
…AMBER ALERT: Amber Tamblyn…
…Newest Gaming Trend: Personal Space…
…BREAKING: Grandmother Not Actually As Proud Of You As She Says…
…9 Out Of 10 Dentists Agree: Vacuums Suck…
…Teeth Found To Be Tongue Prison…
…10 Out Of 10 Car Salesmen Agree, You Need A New Car…
…9 Out Of 10 Dentists Agree: Africa Is Not A Country…
…Hats are cool…
…Study finds that 9 out of 10 studies are for nerds…
…Entertainment personality ahead in the polls…
…BREAKING NEWS: Dumb Is Spelled With A ‘B’…
…Secret Ingredient To Sushi Discovered: FISH…
… Michael Jordan Comes Out Of Retirement To Dunk On Angela Merkel…
…Christmas Scheduled to Happen Again This Year…
…”Peacoat” not what name suggests…
…Murder Victim Speaks Out…
…Waldo still missing…
…Quiz: Do You Have A Savior Complex Or Are You Just Jesus?…
…Four turtles and a rat found dead of toxic poisoning…
…Police Discover Two Bodies In Witch’s Oven…
…Queen Kong???…
…Quiz: Which 90s Murderer Are You?…
…Dog’s Feet Smell Like Vacuum Cleaner Bag…
…Lindbergh baby missing…
…Thoughts and prayers found to be cancerous…
…Medieval Times to get modern update…
…Tropic of Cancer sues Caribbean Medical Board for copyright infringement…

Chaxing: The Hot New Teen Trend Where You Give My Church One Half Of Your Salary

Chaxing: The Hottest Teen Trend That You Definitely Need To Know

Parents hate it! Old people fear it! The government technically allows it under the Religious Liberty and Charitable Donation Protection Act of 1998! It seems that teens these days are scrambling to try out the hot new trend of church-taxing, or “chaxing.” It’s a lit craze that involves a 8323 tax form, one signed and notarized Church Pledge of Financial Sacrifice, and at least one half of your monthly salary!

Chaxing: The Hottest Teen Trend That You Definitely Need To Know

It all began when teens started posting photos of themselves filling out charitable contributions forms, boasting the various thousands they were donating to my Church Of False-Vestigially. Soon, the Internet broke as hip teens dared each other to give more and more money, even in the face of bankruptcy, as religious and charitable transfers made by a debtor during bankruptcy cases are federally protected and therefore 100% legal as well as lucrative in the long run after you reap the spiritual benefits of seeding your faith with the church. Tiiiiiight!

According to our teen on the street and a series of costly legal battles, never has it been a better time to donate half or even all of your paycheck to the Divine Guru in checks payable to J. Roberts Church Corp via PayPal at [email protected] We will also accept money orders, property, and charity in the form of fidget spinners. Yaaaas!

Get woke by giving our Church the power of attorney over your estate.

I know what you’re thinking: “I’m no spring chicken, nor do I have an entire estate to sign over to the church. What can I do to get on-board this hot new craze?” Well, for starters, youth and aging are but a construct fabricated by Big Pharma to get their fingers in your wallets. Once you’ve unlocked the power of your vestigial body, you will know not the ravages of time.

Chaxing: The Hottest Teen Trend That You Definitely Need To Know

Secondly, you don’t need M.C. Hammer dollas to get that C.R.E.A.M. and then give at least half of the C.R.E.A.M. to my Church. It turns out, according to the trendy kids of Facebook and Classmates.com, there are all sorts of ways to seed your faith without being Outkast rich. Teens with good credit are taking out loans, or L-chaxing, and flipping that loan back to the church. Do you have an inheritance or retirement fund coming your way? Make the church a beneficiary of it as well as your life insurance. Once you “die,” we will use your tidings to unlock the resurrecting power of your vestigial self, and you will live once more.

Chaxing is so bomb diggity that it will raise your body from the forever-abyss.

This is, as all you kids already know, where we get into the realm of “xtreme chaxing” or “chaxing level 2,” an über trend that involves groups of teens having parties where they collect and sell their possessions before moving to a church facility and signing all properties to our representatives in exchange for a modest living space in our spiritual housing tent yard. There, they will live out the remainder of their lives in service to our Great Guru. Doing this on behalf of an incapacitated friend is, of course, called “chax-punking” but still requires a written statement from the party stating that they are of sound mind and joining of their own free will. The hottest YouTube stars all shared their crunkalicious chax-punking videos before they were removed for being “too extreme” and containing “sex, graphic content, or misleading metadata & scams.” Hawt.

May you get jiggy with divine servitude of the mind and body,

“Dr.” Guru King Nartec Jeff Roberts Leader Of The Church Of False-Vestigially

Images: PixabayPexels

“Dr.” Guru King Nartec Jeff Roberts
“Dr.” Guru King Nartec Jeff Roberts

Author - Healer - Vestigialist

“Dr.” Guru King Nartec Jeff Roberts is a successful leader in the field of Naturopathic Oceanic Archeology and author of the book “The Great Vestigial Lie” and “Whale Healing”. Tickets to his remote seminars or private speaking arrangements are available upon request.

No Comments Yet

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.