Winter Project: How To Gussy Up Your Favorite Glory Hole!
More and more people are spending their days hanging around inside a public bathroom on the anonymous side of a glory hole. There, they—or rather, you—wait, ready, willing, and eager to do whatever to any sexual organ that pops through or aligns itself with that wall’s easy-access orifice.
But if you’re like most glory hole operators, the glory hole in the rest area or seedy bar restroom stall where you hang out in all day has been looking a little bit worse for the wear. There’s no time like the present to make it look beautiful and, more importantly, inviting. These tips will turn your little hole in the wall into the little hole in the wall!
A hole ‘nother thing
The use of a glory hole is a little problematic. It’s supposed to provide raw, sexual contact while also maintaining the anonymity of both participants. That means it can be a little hard to get it up— literally —for this, the most human of activities, when all the humanity has been obscured. The solution: Make it feel more like a “real” sexual encounter by painting the image of a human mouth, lady vagina, or non-gender-specific butthole around that glory hole. You can go abstract, artsy, or photo-realistic! Glitter paint is especially eye-popping (and, if you’re lucky, load-blowing)!
Water, water everywhere
You may not be a paid glory-holer, but there’s a lot you can learn from other DIY entrepreneurs. Look at Uber and Lyft drivers, for example. They’ve got the independent business thing down pat. They know they have so much competition they’ve got to do whatever they can to set themselves apart and get those five-star reviews. That’s why they keep things like complimentary breath mints and bottles of water freely available for riders. You should do this for your cum jockeys. There are a lot of glory holes out there, but you can keep them coming back to yours by also offering breath mints and water.
The show before the show
Your glory hole isn’t just a place for cheap (or even free), quick, and easy sexual thrills. It should be a respite from the rigors and stresses of the world. Or a “third place” that isn’t home or work where guys can cut loose and just relax. You could build a little pre-glory hole waiting area, with free snacks, an Xbox connected to a flat-screen TV, and another TV playing porn. Give them a man cave before you give them your man cave!
Class is always in session
Glory holes enjoy a reputation as being, well, unseemly. That’s probably because they’re usually found in dirty bathrooms in a state of disrepair. You can rehab your glory hole while improving the opinion of all glory holes. With a nice cash infusion (you may qualify for a small-business loan,) you can make yours fancy and classy. Invest in some brass or gold fixtures, by which we mean line the glory hole with a high-end cock ring. (Or you could put a brass knocker on the door for guys to use when they’re ready to “release”!) And for a mere $2,000, one of those talking Japanese toilets could be yours. Its gentle, robotic voice will shame you and whoever you’re servicing, which really gets some people off.
All hands on deck
If you’ve got the space, there’s certainly no reason why you can’t turn your glory hole into glory holes. You’ve got a mouth and (probably) two hands, right? Get out your toolbox (your actual toolbox, not your cock n’ balls), and drill some extra, strategically-placed, dick-sized holes. Now you’ll be able to comfortably service up to three dudes at once!
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They're weird, they're funny, and they're always so pretty! The Goldin Rules…