Eco-Friendly Meals For When You’re Afraid To Piss Off Captain Planet

June 21, 2019 by , featured in Lifestyle
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Are you sick of Captain Planet showing up at your BBQs and drop-kicking your dolphin burgers into the swimming pool? Well these fun and environmentally-friendly meals will keep that big blue butthole and his five freeloading kids from wrecking your backyard every time you try and eat an endangered species.

Grilled Tofu With Lemon And Rosemary

This grilled tofu recipe is packed with protein, easy to make, and most importantly, will keep Captain Planet from throwing your grill onto the roof. He’ll do that, you know. And his kids will just laugh and laugh like it’s so goddamn funny. Get a job, Planeteers!

Organic Apple Chips

Who needs regular apple chips when you know that Captain Planet is just going to take them and slam dunk them into the trash can like the holier-than-though P.O.S. he is? Not you, that’s who! Don’t forget to add cinnamon.

Vegan Lasagna

I’m just a regular person trying to have my friends over for a nice meal. All of a sudden I’m the bad guy! Just because I want to put meat in my lasagna? And yeah, maybe that meat is from an elephant, but that doesn’t make it okay for Captain Planet to trespass on my property and ruin every single BBQ I have. It’s absurd, and I’m tired of it.

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Vegan Fried Chicken

Is it just me, or is there something wrong with this planet when its spirit is such a bully that I can’t even eat a real chicken? Guess it’s vegan fried chicken for me from now on if I don’t want that kid to use his heart powers to give me an atomic wedgie again.

Hopefully these recipes will help you keep away the villainous scum that is Captain Planet. Not to be confused with Verminous Skumm (who, incidentally, is a very kind person and a dear friend of mine.)

 


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