Please Give Us 500 Dollars For Our Seminar That’s Already Been Canceled
Bunny Ears is thrilled to announce our new seminar series, Ears to the Ground. We’ll be visiting a dozen great American cities to teach participants how to get the most out of their social media accounts, avoid negativity, and generally live their best lives. Lunch and swag bags will be included, there will be special celebrity guests, and tickets will cost $500. Also, we’ve already canceled the entire series and will not be offering refunds.
We know that wellness enthusiasts are tired of Instagram influencers launching seminars that promise the moon, only to be scaled down or canceled when logistical issues like, “I was so busy #hustling that I forgot to book a venue” or “I have no idea what I’m doing” arise.
But we’re not like that.
Ears to the Ground avoids this nightmare scenario with our exciting new wellness development of precancelation. This means that you can pay your exorbitant attendance fee and then just get on with your life, safe in the knowledge that absolutely nothing more will ever happen. So sit back and relax without expectations or $500 in your bank account weighing you down.
Not having to spend months worrying that the seminar, like so many before it, will fall apart or be a total trainwreck will be a huge load off your mind. And, if you were planning to travel from out of town, there’s no need to book flights and find a hotel while not even being told where in a city the seminar will be held!
Talk about convenience!
And rest assured you’ll definitely get something for your money. We promise to issue a heartfelt apology to all of our attendees that immediately pivots into a shot at our critics for not respecting our incredible ambition. We’ll swear that we tried really, really hard to make Ears to the Ground happen, and taking joy in its failure says more about the haters than about us.
Isn’t it the thought of giving people what they paid for that counts? Who wants to live in a dour world where no one is allowed to try and fail and then keep the profits anyway? We’ll also be sure to call it an invaluable learning experience on our part. How can you hate someone who’s trying to learn?
Even though Ears to the Ground will not be held, we will put your money to good use. Our trip to the Bahamas isn’t going to pay for itself, and we’ve definitely earned a vacation after all of our hard work spent not making Ears to the Ground a reality. But don’t worry—we’re not slacking off! While in the Bahamas we’ll be filming videos for our awesome new webinar, which we’ll be selling preorders for and then ultimately never releasing because we couldn’t figure out our video editing software in time.