Mark has written for Cracked, the Modern Rogue, McSweeney's Internet Tendency, the Atlantic, Motherboard, the Daily Dot, and a bunch of other places that he can't remember off the top of his head. He also writes most of the nation's grocery lists.
Sorry, but the Latest Self-Care Fad Is Letting Badgers Maul Your Genitals
Do animals put you in a better mood? Then you have to try the latest self-care trend, featuring adorable badgers! They’re cuddlier than they look!
Episode 69 – Our 69th Podcast Episode with Special Guest Matt Bennett
Like the sex number!
This Crazy Game Of Thrones Theory Will Show How Desperate We Are For Clicks
Hi, Macaulay Culkin and the Bunny Ears staff would appreciate it if you click on this Game Of Thrones cash grab article. Please and thank you.
Welcome To The Bunny Ears Sex Issue, Which Is Mostly Just Garfield Erotica
We really didn’t think this one through
Weird Al And Macaulay Culkin: Live At The Largo
Macaulay Culkin and Weird Al, together at last!
Inspirational Feminist Quotes From Women Driven To Suicide By The Patriarchy
They’re so inspirational!
Underwear Brands Need To Acknowledge My Weird Penis
Are you a man who struggles to find comfortable underwear? Don’t worry; you’re not alone, and we share in your annoyance and anger.
The One About Depression And Kickboxing With Special Guest Elijah Taylor
We’re delving into the lighter side of a serious subject.
How To Survive No Martini March
Alcohol is a complicated part of modern life. It’s fun in moderation but damaging in excess, and sometimes the line between the two is blurry. It never hurts to take a break from alcohol for the sake of your physical and mental well-being. But in our busy world of Tinder dates, business lunches, and bar […]
‘I Don’t See Disease’ Is The Hottest New Health Trend!
Don’t let disease get you down. Fight through your illness with our bold new method of denying its existence! You’ll be healthy in no time!
What If Bad Things, But Not?
Everything seems awful all of the time these days, but are you sure that’s really the case? We’ll make the case that you should cheer up a bit.
Sophisticated Gifts For Kids That Are Sure To Get Them Bullied
You’ll look like a parent with impeccable modern taste, but you’ll never have to put your skills to use because your child won’t have any friends left!
We Demand The Immediate Release Of Next Summer’s Fashion Lines
We’re standing up for what’s right.
We Tried Every Soap On The Market And Are Plagued With Regret
From Goat’s Milk Lavender to Honeysuckle Harmony, they tried them all. Oh God, why?
Panic Healing: A New Healing Method We Invented Via Typo
It’s a lot like pranic healing, but with more panic.
Our Take On Israel/Palestine Because For Some Reason You Keep Asking
We are always happy to address questions raised by our fans, even when the issue is controversial.
I Won’t Circumcise My Son Until He Is 18 And I Can Guilt Him Into It
It is his right to choose what I know is best for him.
I’m Sorry My Gender Reveal Party Caused ‘The Scourge’
There was literally no way to prevent this.
Bring Meaning To Your Life With This New Wellness Product
Sometimes it feels like, no matter how large your crystal collection, no matter how many organic recipes you master, it’s simply never enough to fill the void you feel tugging at your soul.
I Slept With Your Wife Because Everything Happens For a Reason
The universe is a funny place. It may seem cold and inscrutable, but a spiritual person like me can recognize that it has a habit of punishing vices and rewarding virtues. Why, just the other day, an alcoholic acquaintance of mine was diagnosed with cirrhosis. If that wasn’t the universe trying to send him a […]
They’re Just Like Us! My Dog Is Also Clinically Depressed
Dogs are amazing creatures. They’re intelligent, empathetic, and they care so much about their owners that, at times, they even come to resemble them. Why, just take my adorable li’l pupper! When I watch tennis on TV, he’s right there with me following the ball, and even pawing at it with his foofins! And when […]
Bunny Ears Reviews Four Incredible Lifestyle Products
We know you’re a discerning consumer with impeccable taste. Because you want and deserve the best, we’ve hand-selected a few popular products and given them rigorous reviews to ensure they’re worth your time and money. We’re tough critics, but we think you’ll also find us fair. Travel Acupuncture Kit We all know that acupuncture soothes […]
BREAKING NEWS: Bunny Ears Has Settled Our Live Wolf Therapy Lawsuit
In the interest of full disclosure, Bunny Ears, LLC would like to announce that we have reached a $145,000 settlement with the FTC regarding our promotion of live wolf therapy. Furthermore, we have agreed to reimburse any reader who attended a live wolf therapy session hosted or endorsed by Bunny Ears and felt misled as […]
How To Make The Perfect Fried Rice—And I Mean Perfect
So you want to learn how to make my perfect fried rice? Of course you do. My perfect fried rice is nirvana incarnate. It’s made grown men weep. Asking someone if they want my fried rice recipe is like asking someone if they want to glimpse the face of God. Who’s going to say no? […]
How To Use Healing Crystals To Cure Your Cancer (Maybe? Don’t Quote Us)
There’s no denying that healing crystals have incredible power.1 But just how far does this power go? We’ve used and endorsed crystals to cure headaches, colds, and other common aliments,2 but today we’re here to tell you that, when applied correctly, crystals can do so much more.3 They can even help you overcome cancer, as […]
Do I Still Have To Have My Dick Out For Harambe?
Hey, so, this is kind of a weird question, but do I still have to have my dick out for Harambe? I’ve had it out all this time, but is that a thing we’re all still doing? Or did we accomplish … uh, whatever it was we were trying to accomplish? It was awareness for […]
I Lived Off Food Stamps For A Week And Now I’m Spearheading A Communist Revolution
Did you know that an estimated 42.6 million Americans are on food stamps? That’s crazy, right? We often ignore the struggles of this significant segment of American society, so I decided to live on the budget of an average food stamp-recipient for one whole week. My assumption was that, by living like a poor person […]
I Unplugged For Two And A Half Hours And Now I’m An Objectively Better Person Than You
I was like you, once. Obsessed with my online reputation, getting into pointless arguments on Twitter, refreshing my news feeds every five seconds. I was wasting my life away, one click at a time. But then I stepped away from the Internet for a while and taught myself an important lesson about what really matters […]