Macaulay Culkin Hired A Book Curator To Help Him Collect All 7 ‘Harry Potter’ Books

March 14, 2022 by , featured in Macaulay Culkin, Pop Culture
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There is perhaps no pursuit more admirable than reading, but assembling a respectable collection of books can be difficult. Collecting all seven Harry Potter books is even harder, considering that they represent over half of all books known to exist. That’s why Macaulay Culkin hired professional book curator Constantine DeWitt to help track them down.

Book curators may sound exorbitant, but their expertise is invaluable. DeWitt has helped Macaulay handle countless problems, from determining whether he should acquire the British or American editions (the British texts are more authentic, but printing their extra u’s adds thousands of dollars to the cost and necessitates an extra shelf of storage space), to debating the canonical status of Cursed Child (DeWitt believes that, with all due respect to Tom Stoppard’s hard work, it is not), to teaching Macaulay how to read. A curator isn’t just an employee; they’re an artistic collaborator.

Thanks to that collaboration, Macaulay Culkin’s book collection now impresses every guest who steps foot in his home. DeWitt even took care to arrange the books Macaulay keeps between his video game collection and his artisanal action figures, aligning them in such a way that they look cared for, yet well-studied. Stimulating dinner party conversation flows naturally from there. “Oh my, you’ve read Harry Potter?” an impressed Noam Chomsky recently asked, as Macaulay coolly nodded before launching into a witty anecdote.

So you can see why DeWitt’s services were well worth his $500,000 fee. Yes, that’s no small cost, but the careful curation of knowledge is priceless, and DeWitt had to scour countless airport convenience stores, garage sales, and Scholastic book fairs for just the right editions.

And Macaulay’s not going to stop there. Once he finishes reading the Harry Potter series (a task he estimates will be completed by 2023), he plans to collect several additional books, including The DaVinci Code, The Stand, and the complete works of James Patterson. In fact, by that point, it’s quite possible that as many as four more books will have been written, and he plans to get his hands on most of them. This is such an exciting time to collect books, and Macaulay is right there at the forefront!

Image: Scholastic

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  1. Dear Bunny Ears,

    All of the original United States released Harry Potter series artwork was designed by Mary GrandPré.

    I see The Deathly Hallows (book 7) in the picture of this article was designed by Brian Selznick (20th anniversary edition artwork).

    Clearly this is highly offensive, however I’d like to think this was a simple human error and not done with malicious intent.

    Please issue a retraction or apology as necessary to both authors and all fans of the Harry Potter Series.

    I only ask this on your behalf for the sake of damage control before it gets out of hand.

    How many careers are ended abruptly for minor mistakes with good intentions?

    I don’t want this coming back to haunt you years from now.

    Thank you for your time and efforts.


  2. You know Constantine DeWitt is the real deal when she doesn’t believe Cursed Child is canonical. Kudos! 🙂

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