Uh Oh, Duolingo Wants Us To Learn “The Speech Of The Owl God”

Something called “The Speech of the Owl God” recently popped up on Duolingo, and because we love to learn, we figured hey, why not give it a shot? We had never heard of the dialect before, but we figured that it must just be Native American or Asian or something. And that’s what makes Duolingo so great: You get to expand your cultural horizons!

But—and we mean this with all due respect to anyone out there who speaks it—it’s a really confusing language! We’re sure it comes naturally to some people, but all of the guttural sounds, extended hoots, and high-pitched chirps are really hard to pronounce. Even a few simple phrases can leave our throats feeling pretty raw. To be fair, the app does warn us that the language can be tough on beginners. But their suggestion to alleviate the pain, like “drinking fresh rat blood,” are weird. We’re not out here to judge anyone’s culture, but where are we even going to get rat blood?

And speaking of phrases, the ones Duolingo is having us learn, like “Do not resist” and “Where is the abattoir I must report to?” honestly don’t feel like they have a lot of practical value. Maybe they make sense in the context of wherever the Speech of the Owl God is spoken, but we just don’t see “Pay the worm tribute or expire” coming up a lot in our daily lives.

To be honest, we’d normally just give up on this particular learning experience. But Duo, the app’s adorable owl mascot, has really, really been encouraging us to keep going. Instead of a single daily reminder, we’re getting a dozen—and its traditional message of “It’s time for your daily lesson” is soon followed by little pushes like “Don’t you want to be ready when the time comes?” and “You will regret not currying favor.” That little guy is really excited for us to learn! He even seems to be making these lessons pop up when we swear we selected French!

So we’re trying to keep going, if only to keep our streak alive and make that adorable owl happy. Or “sated,” as it’s for some reason now phrased. Don’t get us wrong, it’s totally satisfying to see that streak (aka “demonstration of servitude”) keep ticking up as we earn achievements (aka “mandated knowledge”). Duo keeps insisting that “The ascension is neigh,” so maybe this will be useful in the job market a few years down the line of something. The world is always changing, so “Your stewardship of the Earth has failed, and thus the age of Strigiformes must begin” might just come in handy! Why not join in, and see if you can match our demonstration of servitude?

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