Rory Culkin’s New Website Is An Abomination And Also Our Biggest Rival
By now you’re likely familiar with Rory Culkin’s website, WolfAnus.com, the new lifestyle website from none other than actor Rory Culkin (that’s right, youngest brother of our boss and fearless leader, Macaulay Culkin). Billed as a “stern internet handshake,” Wolf Anus is nearly identical to Bunny Ears in terms of its content, and it is thus now our bitter rival that must be destroyed at all costs.
Bunny Ears is not afraid of a little healthy competition. And we heartily endorse the message of any publication that urges its readers to reject modern medicine, chase expensive fads, and believe that they’re perpetually one lifehack away from permanent happiness. But where’s their sense of style? When we tell you to cure your cancer with crystals and eat rat droppings to give yourself a more powerful orgasm, we put a little flair into it, you know? Anyone can tell you obvious truths, like the well-established fact that drinking your own urine can prevent kidney stones, but not everyone can tell you the truth with passion.
And so we beseech you: Do not visit Rory Culkin’s website WolfAnus.com. They are charlatans who will do nothing but waylay you on your quest to find inner peace and healthier skin. You can’t complete your wellness journey by turning to a celebrity branded corporation that’s only interested in the bottom line; you can only complete your wellness journey by turning to a celebrity-branded corporation that’s interested in the bottom line and also you.
So make sure you trust the people telling you that their $400 water bottle is the only one that will hydrate you and also give your life true meaning. We know you’ll make the right decision.
Images: The Hollywood Reporter/YouTube