They’re Just Like Us! My Dog Is Also Clinically Depressed
Dogs are amazing creatures. They’re intelligent, empathetic, and they care so much about their owners that, at times, they even come to resemble them. Why, just take my adorable li’l pupper! When I watch tennis on TV, he’s right there with me following the ball, and even pawing at it with his foofins! And when my clinical depression keeps me from leaving the house for weeks at a time, my doggo also loses all interest in going outside. He just lies on the couch all day like me, the silly floof!
It’s incredible how much dogs are like us. When I oversleep well into the afternoon, my dog is sleeping with me the whole time. Not even some boops on his snoofer are enough to get him up! And when we finally do drag ourselves out of bed to eat, he also can’t bring himself to eat healthy. While I’m stuffing my face with Doritos because cutting a tomato for a salad feels like too much effort, he turns his nose up at his food bowl. And hey, fair enough, pup. I don’t even remember when I bought that tomato, so God knows how old that chow is. But the moment I open a box of doggo treats for h*ckin good bois, he sticks his head in there and devours the whole thing! Now that’s a pupperino that gets me!
Now, normally my dog’s not a big borker. That’s another way he takes after his human; I’m not the most expressive guy either. But sometimes there’s nothing that can stop me from curling up in a ball on the floor and sobbing because it’s all just … it’s all just so much. And when I do, my sweet little fluffer is right there on the ground howling along with me! Can you even believe it?
Sooner or later, I get it together and steady my nerves with some liquor and pills. When I do, this goofy boofer is right by my side, lapping up every capsule and drop of whiskey that my blurry vision makes me spill. He keeps licking it up with his big ‘ol tongue until he bleps right on the floor, and then it’s right back to bed for me and my pupcake. We both get some big headaches that we need to sleep off if we want to be ready for another day of bloping around!
Of course, there are some things even the bestest bois just can’t understand. I sure did my doggo a real frighten when I made him press his paw in ink and then play Russian Roulette the other night! But I gotta tell you, he bamboozled me real good and borked so loud that he made a neighbor come and knock on our door. I guess I did them both one big concern! Now some mean bois from the government say that I’m not fit to own a doggo, but we’ll see about that! I’m going to fight them all the way to city hall—at least, once I work up the energy to clean the matching outfits that me and my pup have been wearing for an entire month.