What Is This Bird Box Service And Can I Order ‘Just The Beaks’?

January 3, 2019 by
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Everybody on my social media is talking about this “Bird Box.” I guess they haven’t advertised on my favorite podcasts yet, because I’ve never heard of them, but I’m a huge fan of subscription box services. I’m also a huge fan of beaks. Can anyone tell me if I can order just the beaks? I don’t need the whole bird.

I tried to find the site for this “Bird Box” service, but I couldn’t. Does anybody have the link? Do you know if the site layout features a blank space for delivery instructions so I can type “Just the beaks”?

I use every subscription box service and get every mail-order product I hear about on my podcasts. I’m wearing three menstrual cups right now just to make sure I get my money’s worth. It feels so wonderful never having to leave my house for anything. Beaks are one of the few things for which I still need to leave my house. Sometimes, I even still need to remove the bird! What a hassle! I can’t wait for this “Bird Box” service to deliver to my home. I already wrote a song called “Bird Beaks In My Boll And Branch Sheets.” (Side note: Beaks look really pretty in my Birch Box makeup.)

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I really hope this “Bird Box” service does offer a “just the beaks” option. I can’t imagine why they wouldn’t. I mean, everybody loves beaks. They’re so useful—in the kitchen, in the living room, even the bedroom. Who doesn’t go through at least five beaks a day? And that’s not even counting when the kids are home from school! I swear, they go through so many beaks.

I just hate it when my beaks are still attached to birds. I don’t know if this “Bird Box” service delivers dead birds for eating or live birds for friending, but I don’t want either! The last thing I want is some sad pet bird imitating my voice going “Kids, how many times do I have to tell you to clean up your beaks?” or “Did the dog take Mommy’s special beak again?” or “Honey, fish out my special beak!” I don’t want dead birds mailed to our house, either. We are a strictly vegan household, except for beaks and whatever meat slurry Hello Fresh sent us that week.

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Listen, I can’t wait for my hand-delivered, artisan-curated beaks to be delivered. I just need to know how this service works. Is it exclusive? How do I get it? Do I have to order a certain amount of stupid trash birds to get my beaks? Please let me know!

Images: Pixabay, Pixabay, Pixabay


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