What Is This Bird Box Service And Can I Order ‘Just The Beaks’?
Everybody on my social media is talking about this “Bird Box.” I guess they haven’t advertised on my favorite podcasts yet, because I’ve never heard of them, but I’m a huge fan of subscription box services. I’m also a huge fan of beaks. Can anyone tell me if I can order just the beaks? I don’t need the whole bird.
I tried to find the site for this “Bird Box” service, but I couldn’t. Does anybody have the link? Do you know if the site layout features a blank space for delivery instructions so I can type “Just the beaks”?
I use every subscription box service and get every mail-order product I hear about on my podcasts. I’m wearing three menstrual cups right now just to make sure I get my money’s worth. It feels so wonderful never having to leave my house for anything. Beaks are one of the few things for which I still need to leave my house. Sometimes, I even still need to remove the bird! What a hassle! I can’t wait for this “Bird Box” service to deliver to my home. I already wrote a song called “Bird Beaks In My Boll And Branch Sheets.” (Side note: Beaks look really pretty in my Birch Box makeup.)
I really hope this “Bird Box” service does offer a “just the beaks” option. I can’t imagine why they wouldn’t. I mean, everybody loves beaks. They’re so useful—in the kitchen, in the living room, even the bedroom. Who doesn’t go through at least five beaks a day? And that’s not even counting when the kids are home from school! I swear, they go through so many beaks.
I just hate it when my beaks are still attached to birds. I don’t know if this “Bird Box” service delivers dead birds for eating or live birds for friending, but I don’t want either! The last thing I want is some sad pet bird imitating my voice going “Kids, how many times do I have to tell you to clean up your beaks?” or “Did the dog take Mommy’s special beak again?” or “Honey, fish out my special beak!” I don’t want dead birds mailed to our house, either. We are a strictly vegan household, except for beaks and whatever meat slurry Hello Fresh sent us that week.
Listen, I can’t wait for my hand-delivered, artisan-curated beaks to be delivered. I just need to know how this service works. Is it exclusive? How do I get it? Do I have to order a certain amount of stupid trash birds to get my beaks? Please let me know!
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They're weird, they're funny, and they're always so pretty! The Goldin Rules…