Our Vacation Packing Guide Is So Light, You’ll Die Of Exposure

Summertime is calling you to the perfect vacation! Whether you’re headed to a dazzling beach or an exciting new city, packing for vacation is key to how much fun you’ll have. No one wants to drag a heavy suitcase through the jungles of Maui or the canals of Amsterdam! That’s why we’ve got the perfect packing guide for any trip, one that’s so light, so breezy, you might honestly die out there.

Au Natural-ly

The first thing most people think about when they make vacation packing lists is clothes, but it’s time to break free from that restrictive mindset. Take underwear, for example—or rather, don’t take it.

What is it but a tool of the hum-drum, repressive society you’re trying to escape? What can it do for you other than provide an uncomfortable barrier when you try to do it with that Swedish bouncer outside the discotheque? You don’t need underwear. You don’t even need clothes! Vacations are about freedom, even if they lead to public indecency charges and brutal sunburns.

Club No-Med

You know what’s not invited on your vacation? Your asthma. Ditch those inhalers, antidepressants, and antacids, and free yourself from the weight of Western medicine. If you get sick while traveling the monkey forests of Bali, just suck on a root or whatever. If your lungs start to close without your corticosteroids, just ask them: Are they ready to release their victim narrative? Well, try to ask them. You probably can’t talk, what with the suffocation. It’s a good thing your suitcase is so light!

Joy Is Free

The last thing you need weighing down your carry-on is any form of currency. Vacationing like a local is the only way to go, and in most of the places you’re willing to go, the tourist economy means destitution is de rigueur for locals. Think of the adventures you’ll have living the tourist life with literally zero dollars and the bargains you’ll make with your body for a single vegetable.

Pack Lit

Now that you know what to leave behind, what’s left to bring with you? Obviously, we’re not going to leave the essentials behind. Just use this handy checklist:

• Feathers (Insta-worthy hair and bikini replacement!)
• …
• That’s it, just feathers. Get ready to fly to freedom, bunny buds!

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