Finding A Good Penis Facial Is Harder Than You Think

March 18, 2018 by , featured in Lifestyle
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Hey everyone, it’s Craig! The intern!

How have you been? That’s great. Matt Cohen made me run all over Los Angeles trying to find the best penis facial for you, and let me tell you, finding a good penis facial is harder than you think. But good news for you, thanks to my legwork, I’ve got a great guide to prevent you from blowing your load in the wrong place and ending up in a sticky situation.

First thing, you want to make sure your facial specialist has only the best penis facial cream. You are looking for Korean baby penis foreskin stem cells or better. Take it from me, you don’t want to be halfway through a long penis facial and find out your penis facial specialist was using discount penis facial creams. Goodness, imagine the egg on your wrinkly face after you told all of your friends about your incredible baby penis facial and you came around all over town with some generic old penis cream smeared everywhere.

Second thing, you are going to want to be very clear with your language. There are two ways asking for a penis facial can go horribly wrong. You might end up in the back room of a less than reputable establishment with several Japanese businessmen surrounding you, ready to cover your face in exactly what you are thinking. Yep, known mainly in japan, the beauty product 私はこのペニスの冗談をインターネット上で翻訳した or Penisu wa doko desu ka is making its way out west. Not FDA approved, it is mainly administered in secret, and has been known to cause eye and hair damage, as well as an unpleasant lingering scent. The other mistake is sometimes they think you want to get a facial for your penis, and that’s just obscene.

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Finally, you’ll want to check your local yelp reviews and look for secret codes from people in the know. Look for keywords like bucket boy, brown out, cornhole, wrinkle room, and beef gravy. Also any location offering nine-dollar specials should be taken advantage of. It’s nine dollars an ounce, which is a really great price. A great penis facial is going to wreck tight budgets, so if you are going to treat yourself, you have to make sure you are fiscally limber and open to a little loosening.

It is important to be comfortable during your penis facial. Pick out some good music you can focus on, as the new experience might be a little uncomfortable your first time. Another neat advisement: light four unscented candles. Keeps it nice.

With these tips in mind, you should have a great time. So get out there and get your penis facial on. Just don’t get too many done or you’ll feel gross. At least that’s what happened to me.

Till next time my dudes!


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