Five Rite Aids You MUST Visit Before You Die

September 13, 2021 by , featured in Food and Recipes
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Everyone knows that travel makes you smarter, sexier, more sophisticated, and overall healthier. Still, studies suggest that you’ll probably die one day, so what are you waiting for? Stop everything you’re doing, grab your travel journal, and take note, ’cause I’m going to run down the five Rite Aids you MUST visit before you shed this mortal coil.

The Rite Aid on Wesley Parkway in Sioux City, Iowa

You’re going to love your visit to this beautiful Northwestern Iowa Rite Aid. They offer over seven rows of products (shampoo, conditioner, vodka, children’s toys, cat food, toilet paper, etc.), and their friendly staff members (hi, Allen!) are always willing to help. I lost my parents in this Rite Aid during a family road trip in 1994. For over four hours, I wandered the aisles calling out to them, but since it’s so spacious, we couldn’t find each other. Along the way, I met a friendly dish rag named Old Gus who sang a song about perseverance. The doctors later said it was a fear-induced hallucination, but I’ll always treasure my memories with Old Gus. If you do not visit this Rite Aid, you’re really missing out!

The G Street Rite Aid in Merced, California

This Rite Aid is beyond a classic. Everything is fresh out of 1960, and thankfully, it’s never been updated. When you step through these elegant, non-automatic doors, you’re basically transported back to a simpler time when we weren’t so worried about the news and it was okay that there was only one brand of soap, which actually smells naturally like the animals it came from. I stopped here during a soccer trip in 2002, and the attentive staff helped me dress my knee gash. Without them, my current limp would be much worse. I promised the staff I’d repay them by spreading the word, so go to this Rite Aid or else.

The Rite Aid on North Miller Street in Wenatchee, Washington

I’ve never actually been to this legendary Rite Aid, but I’m involved in a pretty cool Reddit thread with other Rite Aid fans, who speak very highly of it. Apparently, there’s a backroom that sells certain high-end items (rare sodas, precious metals, hard-to-find DVDs like Recess: The Complete Series) if you know the right password. Comment below and I’ll pass it along. This is not an option. If you don’t visit this Rite Aid, I will be forced to pursue legal action.

The Willow Ave. Hoboken Rite Aid

This is, without a doubt, the hippest Rite Aid in the country. At least, that’s what that cool group of skaters I met outside during my ’07 backpacking trip told me. According to these rad individuals, it’s called the “jokin’ and tokin'” Hoboken Rite Aid because it’s the chillest place to cheef. One of the dudes, Trevor, even let me try some of his cheef or whatever it’s called. Unfortunately, I lost my wallet, passport, most of my clean shirts, and my CD collection that night, but I gained a few great friends (please respond to my friend requests if you’re reading this!) along the way. They also gave me free ice cream at Rite Aid because I was crying so loudly. 10/10, must visit. Go! Now! People are counting on me.

Rite Aid on North Shangri La Drive in Lexington Park, Maryland

Maryland might not be known for their Rite Aids, but this comfortable location will not disappoint. Not only does it feature a luxurious guest bathroom (four stalls, beautiful bright pink soap, the good paper towels), but it has a drinking fountain with incredibly strong water pressure. I visited this location during a business trip for my first job out of college in 2009. It was a trying time in my life when I didn’t really know who I was, and a fateful chat with Gloria in the greeting card aisle set me on the path to quit that dead-end job and pursue a career in paranormal exploration. Unfortunately, that did not end well. You have to visit this location, or I will never shed this curse.

Go forth and spread the word! PLEASE.

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