How To Not Look Too Rich While Traveling In A Foreign Country
So you’re interested in traveling in a foreign country —specifically a developing nation—but you’re afraid your MacBook and designer jeans might make you stand out just a tad too much? Have no fear, for we know exactly what to do to temporarily poor-ify your digs and make you blend in like a precious upper-middle-class baby chameleon.
First things first…
1. Rag-ify all of your clothes
Traveling in a foreign country means looking the part. Don’t worry about needing to step foot in a Salvation Army/Goodwill though—your regular rags of luxury will do just fine, and even make quite the fashion statement! For shirts, just give ’em a good cut/rip or two to give you that urban, rebel flair. Nothing screams “fuck Capitalism” like a tattered Che Guevara shirt.
Also try throwing dirt on pants and dresses so that others will know that while you’ve got some valuable possessions, you’ve been through a lot. People in war-zones will especially appreciate this touch.
2. Burst into tears whenever you open your wallet
I know, this one seems totally desperate, but hear me out. Nothing’s worse than a scrubby patch of the local fauna eyeing you suspiciously while you whip out your six platinum no-limit credit cards to pay for that authentic bowl of Pho. So here’s what you can do instead: Whenever you flash some of that Western bling, start crying uncontrollably. People will wonder why you’re so sad, not why you’re using their poverty as a cultural experience.
3. Develop a real bad limp
Faking your own leg injury is one of the fastest and safest ways of garnering sympathy from total strangers. Yes, even impoverished ones. Even if you’re wearing a $200 designer t-shirt and chinos that child workers probably made in the very country you’re vacationing in, people aren’t going to judge you when you appear vulnerable. Don’t over-do it though. Nobody likes a pity party.
4. Throw money at everyone to create a convenient getaway smokescreen
Finally fed up with a bunch of disadvantaged people gawking at you when you specifically left the comfort of your gated resort so that you could gawk at them? That’s where your Scrooge McDuck piles of wealth comes in handy. Simply toss a few twenties into a crowd when tensions get high. While they’re scrounging for the cash you literally won’t even notice is gone, make your Batman-like getaway to safety. Then, pat yourself on the back for your philanthropic gesture.
By following all of the above tips, life for the wealthy abroad can be made just a little more bearable. And if all else fails, just buyout whatever town you’re visiting so no one poor can bother you. Because you deserve it.
Images: Pexels, Pixabay
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They're weird, they're funny, and they're always so pretty! The Goldin Rules…