I Won’t Circumcise My Son Until He Is 18 And I Can Guilt Him Into It
Now that I’m the father of a son, I understand that, in this day and age, it’s more important than ever to appreciate the need for consent and honest communication in interpersonal relationships. I want my newborn son to grow to value these traits. I want him to be capable of reaching compromises, respecting boundaries, and ensuring that he considers the comfort and beliefs of others before he acts, especially when it comes to bodily autonomy.
That is why, although I think it is every father’s right to have his son circumcised and I fully intend to act on that right, I am going to wait until he is 18 years old. I want my son to be of legal age and capable of making his own decisions and fully thinking them through before I sit him down and explain why being circumcised is clearly the best move for him.
When young men turn 18, I believe it’s reasonable to consider them fully formed and autonomous human beings capable of making educated, insightful decisions into their lives and bodies. Of course, any truly mature 18-year-old would also recognize that an older man such as myself would have far more wisdom and experience in such matters and that the wisest decision of all would be to acknowledge that my reasoned, unbiased opinion represents what’s best for them. Whether it’s how to apply for a job, considering what kind of bank account to open, or debating whether to cut off one’s foreskin for cultural purposes, an older man with significant professional and financial experience and a vested interest in the state of my son’s genitalia can help a young man of 18-ish explore their options and their flesh.
I’m confident that, if I properly teach my son the importance of boundaries and respect, he’ll have zero issues with my sitting him down and advocating for his circumcision until he understands that it’s the best decision for his personal development. Any good man appreciates the fact that, in some relationships, it’s important for one person to make sacrifices to keep the other person happy. I just want my son to be old enough to legally make that decision for himself. If I do my job as a father properly, my son will eventually offer his willing consent. I will just have to repeatedly ask him about it while emphasizing my importance, my prestige, the depths of my desires, and how foolish he could look if he turned down this incredible opportunity, thus logically eliminating any of his concerns.
I hope I’m not the only one out there who’s trying to raise his son right. All boys need to understand that their bodies are their own to do with as they please right up until an older authority figure with significant power and influence over them dictates otherwise. At that point, they should be smart enough to do what’s best for their own lives and chop off part of their genitalia to satisfy our needs. If they’re not, well, I hate to say it, but maybe you’re just not raising a very good young man.
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They're weird, they're funny, and they're always so pretty! The Goldin Rules…