As summer comes to a close, we find ourselves desperately grasping at its last wispy strands, before fall settles in and we have to wear real clothes again. That’s why this month’s color of the month is Begrudging Summer Camp Tie-Dye.
Tie-dye was invented by baby boomers when they were adults and could appreciate the irony of these things. I mean, those guys had pet rocks and that 2,000-Year-Old Man thing. That had to be ironic, right? They purchased those pet rocks. That’s why tie-dye is fun for adults: They have a healthy sense of irony and also a ton of old t-shirts from half-remembered concerts and failed political campaigns that tie-dyeing would make really fun again. Fun tip: Get one of your old Garfield tees and dye it pink. Now you have stoned Jon Arbuckle. Majestic.
What many summer camp counselors fail to realize is that children have neither old Garfield t-shirts nor any sense of irony. What they do have is a lifetime of sobriety and idiot counselors telling them what colors to use. I KNOW HOW TO MAKE GREEN, SHARON!
To achieve this color of the month on a shirt, first get a white or lightly colored shirt. Twist the shirt up and tie it off with rubber bands. Dunk the shirt in buckets of dye. Wear it once and have a good laugh about it. Then put that shirt in your closet. It lives there now. You’ll see it again when you move. That’s what tie-dyeing is all about. Seeing fun colors again when you move.
Honestly, who was the first camp counselor to think “You know what kids love? Color schemes they can’t appreciate because they’re not allowed drugs.” Come on, Sharon. As a childhood activity, tie-dyeing exists purely to keep children quiet and occupied so the counselors can sneak off to reenact scenes from Degrassi. It’s along the lines of “Hey, kids! Pretend Swiffering is hockey and clean the house!” It’s not like they’ll wear that shit. Even that one kid at camp with the rat tail and puka shells didn’t wear tie-dye. If only there was some sort of adult summer camp where grown ups could engage in all the activities that were lost on them as children.