How To Let That Girl You’re Hitting On Know You Love Your Wife

In this age of high-tech hookups and digital dating, it can feel impossible to meet someone in real life. What do you talk about when you’re actually face-to-face? When do you make your move? And how do you let them know what a devoted and doting husband you are to your wife when you’re not out at bars, picking up strange? Worry not—there are a few easy ways to get laid and still celebrate the immense love you share with your spouse.

1. Ask Her if She Comes Here Often, Like Your Wife

It’s always nice to have an ice breaker when approaching someone new, and having something thoughtful to say helps ease the tension. Thankfully, there’s nothing easier to talk about than your beautiful wife, and mentioning her name—repeatedly and often—is sure to leave an impression. Start with something simple, like, “Have you tried the disco fries? They’re my wife’s favorite.”

2. Invite Her to Your Anniversary Party in the Back

Sometimes a flair for the dramatic is the fastest way to get your message across—and that’s when a well-planned family get-together can come in handy. When a new prospect notices you’ve rented out and decorated an entire room in the back to celebrate your special day with your wife, she’ll be both impressed and impassioned. Only a thoughtful man who truly cherishes the 27-year-long journey he’s made with his college sweetheart would think of something like this.

3. Pepper Family Photos in with Your Dick Pics

If you want to share how significant your wife is to you in a more subtle way, try slipping a pic or two of her in with all those dick pics you’re sharing. Nothing breaks up the monotony of a string of nudes like a beaming family photo from JCPenney. It also sends the message that while, yes, you of course want to bone (and bone hard) you don’t take your wonderful wife and all that she’s done for you for granted. Not for one second. 

4. Get Moody and Quiet Like You Regret Everything You’re Doing

If all else fails, just stop talking and look like you’re about to cry. She’ll be able to tell that you’re a man who loves his wife and who deeply regrets what he’s doing. Plus, there’s nothing hotter than a middle-aged man weeping on a stranger’s bed with a full-on erection. Trust me.

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