Autumn is upon us, bringing the bounteous harvest, the falling leaves, and an outrageous number of possible gourd-related activities. But why stop at baking a pie or carving a goofy jack-o’-lantern when a little extra effort allows you to delight—and excite—the neighborhood? That’s why we’ve come up with pumpkin carving ideas to make every pumpkin sex-positive, allowing you to educate trick-or-treaters and their parents alike!
[Editorial Note: our lawyers have insisted that we censor the images in this article so we aren’t hit with another fine. Sorry about that!]
One of the most crucial tenets of sex-positivity is full, enthusiastic consent. This pumpkin is a great one for beginners, because it’s mostly just a jack-o’-lantern, but the small audio player you’ll place inside with recordings of porn stars screeching “Yes! Yes! Do it to me! YESSSS!” is sure to thrill any Halloween visitors while teaching them a valuable lesson about partnership.
Masturbation is an important part of getting to know yourself as a sexual being. It should be encouraged and never shamed. That’s why we designed this gleefully masturbating pumpkin with his engorged gourd. Simply take a large, traditional orange pumpkin and carve his face into a tight squint. Using glue, attach a large, erect gourd in an upright position below your carved pumpkin face. Reserve pumpkin guts for a festive orgasmic display!
Bunny Ears Exclusive Tip: With a drill, some tubing, and a bowl of heavy cream, you can add a spoooooky spraying effect that will be sure to startle your visitors!
Got a big harvest of pumpkins and want to use them all? Polyamory is an important concept that children need to get used to as soon as they’re able to ask questions about it. Create a display of multiple pumpkins engaged in healthy triads, quads, and formless polygonal relationships. For extra authenticity, always have one pumpkin set slightly apart from the happy crowd, as if to say “Yeah, I mean, I guess I don’t mind.”
Horny O’ Plenty
This harvest-themed sex-positive pumpkin display can run from Halloween all the way through Christmas. Begin with a traditional woven cornucopia as your center piece. Carve some patty pan squash into rudimentary vaginas and use crookneck or straightneck squash as a wide variety of dicks. Mini-pumpkins make excellent testicles! Arrange this beautiful display to celebrate the diversity of good fucking by pairing them in random groupings of male-female male-male-female, female-female, male-female-female-male, and of course, some non-binary butternuts.
Female pleasure is often overlooked in traditional sexual education but not in your sex-positive Halloween display! We love this craft because it allows you to use your painting skills while emphasizing the joys of female-driven positions. Paint a large, oblong pumpkin black and white to resemble a cow and lay it down on its longest side. Then balance a second oblong pumpkin vertically on top, with crookneck squash to either side as legs. Paint a mini-pumpkin green to resemble a scaaaary ghoul, but be sure to make her face orgasmically delighted. Strap a toy-sized cowboy hat on top, and voilà! A sex-positive pumpkin with a scary, Old West brothel theme!
We hope these starter plans serve as a jumping off point for your own sex-positive pumpkins! Be sure to encourage your neighbors to join suit with their own interpretations. Christmas is right around the corner, and what better way to celebrate your love of a full bush than with seasonal evergreens? After all, are you really celebrating your kink if you haven’t managed to work it into at least one holiday display?