All The Things We Love About The Royal Throuple
Not since Prince Charles and Lady Diana has the world embraced a royal couple the way it did with Prince William and the former Catherine Middleton. Millions watched their wedding on live TV and snatched up any magazine featuring a photo spread of the photogenic duo. And then Jamie came along.
All but the most libertine among us got a little weirded out when William and Kate first declared their mutual love for Jamie. Suddenly, the royal couple was a royal … “throuple.” “This isn’t just a sexual thing, although Jamie is quite the dynamo,” the prince said in a televised address in September 2015. “My wife and I truly love Jamie as we do each other. He shall be a full and equal partner in our relationship and reign.”
But then the world fell in love with Jamie, much as William and Kate did. We can’t even imagine a world without this beloved royal throuple.
The idea of a regular person marrying into royalty is an irresistible fairy tale. The world was captivated, delighted, and maybe a little bit jealous when Grace Kelly become Princess Grace of Monaco and Suits star Meghan Markle married Prince Harry. But unlike those glamorous movie stars, the man now known as Prince Jamie of Blackpool is truly common. After growing up in a council estate with his mother and a succession of her boyfriends, Jamie dropped out of school at the age of 15 to pursue a career in either hip-hop or street art.
The former never came to pass, although various police reports say he was often quietly rapping to himself when he was caught tagging buildings with spray-painted images of penises and breasts. Who would’ve thought that the man arrested for writing the word “bullocks” on the outside wall of Buckingham Palace would be living inside of it just six months later?
The world’s romance with Kate and William’s romance with Jamie has led to unprecedented cultural and legal reform. In the three years since they were joined in holy three-way matrimony, 70% of Britons and 80% of Americans have throupled up. With the majority of people on both sides of the Atlantic falling and staying in love with two other people simultaneously, a thorough reevaluation of marriage laws was in order. Petitions and bills across the U.S. and U.K. finally succeeded on February 14, 2017, when William and Kate married Jamie. Sure, it took decades to pass gay marriage, but apparently, activists hadn’t thought of asking a future king to do it.
Which brings up another legal quandary: In a three-way marriage, how is the royal succession determined? Parliament actually had to change the relevant laws to account for Jamie and any children he may have. Before Jamie, William was second in line after his father, followed by his children with Kate, Prince George and Princess Charlotte. Now it goes: William, George, Charlotte, and Prince Louis, who was revealed to be Jamie’s biological child shortly after his birth in 2018. There were apparently, um, distinctive genetic similarities. (Eleven toes. They both have 11 toes.)
Despite these vast and sweeping reforms, we remain devoted to the royal throuple and only kind of hope this is the end of it, because this is really a lot of change in a very short time.
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