bunnyears

…Opinion: We’re In A Golden Age Of Trash Talking…
…Santa is real, and he lives in your crawl space….
…6 Year Online Romance Ends In Weird Handshake…
…According to studies accordions are unsteady…
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…According to studies studying causes cancer…
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…Scientists find that deja vu is just alternate timeline of you dying…
…Local Couple Adopts Blind Dogs And Just Puts Them Down…
… Michael Jordan Comes Out Of Retirement To Dunk On Angela Merkel…
…Bunny Ears wins prestigious Bunny Ears website of the year award at the Bunny Ears Awards…
…Mother Struggles To Explain Scott Baio To Her Child…
…Confirmed: Everyone is hanging out without you…
…Did Tupac fake his birth?…
…Survey finds startling amount of ghosts are racist….
…Shazaam not a real movie…Google it…
…Man pretty sure Game Of Thrones is historically accurate…
…Study: Loss Of Car Leads To 1000% Catcalling Increase…
…Man discovers woman already knows thing he was going to tell her….
…Violent Pokémon dispute sparks trade war…
…Gordon Ramsay Signed Beef Wellington Sells For 1.6 Million…
…Single 32 Year Old Patiently Waits For Friends To Get Divorced…
…Quiz: Is This The Good Milk?…
…Research shows laughter definitely not the best medicine…
…Against All Odds, Man Learns To Dance…
…Single Woman Manages To Meet Food Delivery Minimum…
…Your Dog Might Have A Secret Passport…
…Spoiler alert: The milk has gone bad…
…Sugar daddy eaten by ants…
…Drugs In Water Supply Treat Fish’s Depression…
…Scientists Discover A Lot Of Cool Junk In Older Brother’s Room…
…Local white guy “gets it”…
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…Breaking: Absolutely no one wang chunging tonight…
…Breaking – There’s A Spider In Your Pocket…
…Dollars to donuts exchange crashing…
…Hospital Cracks Down On Patients Getting Chemo For Fun…
…Update: Only very tiny hats now cool…
…Adult Hearing Mom Use Their Full Name Still Terrified…
…’Glow Up’ Discovered To Just Be DBZ Reference…
…Woman Memorizes Snapple Fact In Case Tonight’s Party Is That Bad…
…Millennials Are Disrupting The Banjo Industry…
…Opinion: I Have The Best Smile And Coolest Personality …
…Email From Mom Has 4 FWDs In Subject Line…
…Fourth grade teacher found to be not as hot as you remember…
…Woman With Scoliosis Has Detailed Knowledge Of Floor-…
…Big dick energy drink selling poorly…
…Chill Girlfriend Constantly Suppressing Everything…
…New Boyfriend Eats Imitation Crab Straight From The Package…
…A New Generation Of Turtles Are Learning Martial Arts…
…Children May Be Stupider And Weaker Than Previously Thought…
…Reported discovery of new planet turns out to be your mom…
…Hurricane wipes out town of Duckberg…
…Very smart toilet begs for death…
…Am I standing right behind you? The answer might surprise you!…
…Half The World’s Bees Have Never Seen The Show Seinfeld…
…Unusually Buff Dog Not Breaking Eye Contact…
…13th month discovered between February and March….

The Modern Loneliness Epidemic That’s Affecting You And Only You

Loneliness—crushing, soul stifling loneliness—this is the modern epidemic our Bunny Ears psychology team has happened upon. What with modern society’s lack of face-to-face conversation, political strife, and your recent breakup, this loneliness epidemic was bound to affect you. Yes, you, reader. We’ve traced this epidemic to a single source, and it is you. No one else feels lonely. Ever. It’s just you, the person reading this piece right now. Trust us, we’ve looked everywhere. Even Reddit.

Carl Jung once said of loneliness: “Loneliness does not come from having no people about one but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself.” Boy, is that true for you, reader. Sure, you have friends, coworkers, some sort of family, but do they really understand you? Do they really listen when you talk about your feelings and your dreams? Of course not, because your feelings and dreams are weird and shared by no one. That’s why you’re the epicenter of the modern loneliness epidemic lots of lifestyle publications are talking about. (By the way, that dream you had about your mother? It totally does mean something, and it’s gross. You’re gross.)

In the past, perhaps you have taken comfort in the idea that others share your feelings of isolation, hopelessness, and embarrassment. We hate to break it to you, but this idea is false. You’re the only one who ever feels isolated or embarrassed. Sometimes, at parties (and yes, you are only ever invited to parties out of guilt), you may comfort yourself by thinking “Nobody noticed my social faux pas. They’re too busy obsessing over their own”

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We’re sorry to say this, but they did notice, because nobody else gets embarrassed or feels isolated like you do. Boy, we wish we could help you, reader, but nobody on our psychology team—in fact nobody on Earth—knows what it’s like to feel alone and lost. Not even your so-called “friends.”

Yes, that’s right: Your friendships are not real. But don’t worry! It’s not like your friends aren’t good people! In fact, they’re the most charitable people in your town. That’s what makes them your friends! Isn’t that nice? Your family is very charitable as well. Due to the fact that no one can or ever will be able to relate to you, you can take comfort in the assurance that anyone who gets close to you is a highly benevolent, self-sacrificing individual. This is especially true in romantic relationships, because nobody shares your sexual quirks, and nobody else’s genitals look like your genitals. All your exes were so giving! So generous! In fact, the only time another human being even gets close to understanding what it’s like to feel lonesome is immediately after having sex with you.

We here at Bunny Ears would admire you for persevering through your feelings of isolation, except we have no idea what those feelings are like, so we can’t. But we can say with definitive certainty that our experts have traced all feelings of loneliness to you and only you. You’re a psychological marvel! Finally, something you can be proud of.

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Images: Pixabay, Pixabay, Pixabay

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