What Your Sex Dreams About The Hamburglar REALLY Mean

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Sex dreams. We all have them. And while sometimes they’re totally self-explanatory (i.e: that steamy dream you had about the coworker you’ve been crushing on), other times they leave you with more questions than answers. In this case: What do my repeated, intensely sensual, and excruciatingly graphic sex dreams about The Hamburglar mean, and why do they keep happening, night after night?

Firstly, know that you are absolutely not alone. Tons of people have emotionally-scarring Hamburglar sex dreams, as well as dreams about the many other characters in the McDonald’s extended universe (Grimace, Mayor McCheese, and yes, even the Fry Kids, just to name a few). It’s both healthy and natural, and—for the most part—nothing to worry about.

So without further ado, here are your Hamburglar sex dreams: decoded. Finally!

The Hamburglar’s Crying

An important thing to remember about sex dreams is that they’re often not about the physical act of sex itself, but rather an unfulfilled emotional need that the sex represents. In this case, watching the Hamburglar softly cry as he gently penetrates your body from above likely means you’re seeking more emotional vulnerability from a real-life partner, whether romantic or professional.

You’re Crying

Most psychologists agree that crying in a sex dream about the Hamburglar means you’re attempting to process a personal loss of some kind. It could be the end of a relationship, the selling of a childhood home, or a loved one moving away. It could also definitely mean you just really want a hamburger.

You Can’t See The Hamburglar’s Face, But You Know It’s Him

Studies have shown this to be one of the most common HB-related erotic scenarios. While it’s technically too dark to identify the petite, behatted figure winding his tongue up your trembling body, you know beyond a shadow of a doubt it’s that mischievous lil’ burger thief. This type of dream generally indicates a desire to better know yourself.

The Hamburglar Can’t Finish

He heaves and thrusts, pounding into you for what seems like hours. But at the end of the night, that freckled, hamburger-loving trickster just can’t ejaculate—leaving you feeling both frustrated and inadequate. This is a firm self-reminder to stop taking on other people’s emotional baggage, and also to maybe stop watching so much Hamburglar porn before bed.

Sex with the Hamburglar is Good, But You’re Calling Him Dad?

This one may understandably leave some people unsettled, but don’t attach too much weight to it. Calling the Hamburglar “Dad” while he lovingly and attentively brings you to full and violent orgasm happens to the best of us, and it likely just means you feel super safe. (Note: may also mean you’re incapable of being loved).

The Hamburglar Whispers He Loves You While Clasping an Antique Locket Into Your Hand — Inside the Locket is a Picture of his Mother, Who Died When He Was Young

No need to read into this one—just means you’re horny!

The Hamburglar Is With Child

This one may seem confusing on a variety of levels, but know you’re not the first person to dream about a pregnant Hamburglar (far from it!). This likely represents your own desire to nurture a partner and or/child, and means you could be ready to commit more fully to an existing relationship. There’s also a small chance that The Hamburglar really is pregnant and you’re the father (we can’t explain it).

Hope this helps! Let us know if there’s any scenarios we missed in the comments below and we’ll try to get back to you about their meaning.

Image: Onion/Flickr

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  1. So, I had this dream where I was in a room with dozens of hamburglars. They were all grouped around me, shooting load after sticky load of McChicken sauce all over my body, but I was in a Grimace suit. I was me but in a Grimace suit. I have been having this dream for years and some insight would really help me cope as my friends and family no longer want to hear about it anymore.

  2. In my Hamburglar sex dreams, he’s always “Porky Pigging it” and the stripes on his shirt are vertical. Sometimes in these dreams, my teeth crumble and fall out of my mouth into his. He eagerly accepts them like a baby bird takes regurgitated food from it’s mother. Totally normal stuff, right?

  3. How insightful! I used to have a reoccurring dream with Grimace. I think it was supposed to be a sex dream, but it really just was 30 minutes of trying to figure out where his ding dong was. It ended up more being a mystery thriller reoccurring dream

  4. Thank you so much, this is really enlightening. I’ve always assumed that as a literal flesh-stealer (a burglar of meat), the Hamburglar of my sex dreams was an embodied representation of my fear that intimacy would mean having to give a piece of myself away. Now I know it is that, but also much more than that. Thank you Bunny Ears!

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