7 Lavish 4/20 Vacation Destinations Between Your Couch And Kitchen
You already know what you’re doing on 4/20, but like, have you thought about what you’ll do on 4/20? In case you haven’t gotten that far for some reason, here is the Bunny Ears exclusive guide to getting through your 4/20 in one piece.
4:20 A.M.—The Ottomon
This is a soft, cushion-y, colorful accent piece that is nevertheless mostly used for storage. It’s a nice place to sit, and a great place to take a load off when that edible finally kicks in and spend a few minutes before hyping yourself up to get to the kitchen. Keep it nice and close in case you decide to try to be comfortable somewhere else. High you will thank sober you.
5:16 .AM.—Kitchen Nook
You can spend as much time as you want here, relaxing, looking at that one window, making sure your plant is watered, allowing yourself to lose your stress in the moment. Those place mats were such an adult choice. The centerpiece is on point. You could be here forever, and it would feel like nothing.
5:17 .AM.—By That Dead Plant Next To Your Kitchen Nook
When was the last time you watered that plant? Some of the leaves are brown, which is an Earth tone, but not a good one for a green plant, probably. When was the last time you watered that plant? What were you by it for? By it? Buy it. By it. It gives off good vibes. That plant is clearly your friend. It doesn’t seem to be drinking the water you gave it last week. Is that what you call it? Do plants drink? Maybe you should move the plant a little. What time is it? It’s been a really long time. Oh, shit, is that a dead spider?
5:25 A.M.—That Dead Spider By That Dead Plant Next To Your Kitchen Nook
5:40 A.M.—That Dead Spider’s Legs By That Dead Plant Next To Your Kitchen Nook
The spider’s legs all seem to have the same weird little hairs on them, facing the same direction. Not always. Just sometimes. It’s like kinky hair. Wasn’t there a name for those? Something like “pediflaps,” but it’s not “pediflaps.” Pedipalps. It was pedipalps. Pedi-palPs. Pe-di-pal-P-SSSSS. Pedipals. “You put the pal back in pedipals, pal!” Why did you just say that out loud to yourself? Who are you talking to? What were you watching back where the T.V. was? You’ve been here for long enough. It’s been a really long time.
5:59 A.M.—Your Fridge? Your Fridge.
Is your fridge in the kitchen? What does it mean to be in something? In the time it took you to decide, whatever you were watching moved on without you, and you owe that program something. You can’t think of what just yet, but it is something, and one day, you’re going to have to pay for this. You decided your kitchen wasn’t part of your fridge, and your fridge wasn’t part of your kitchen. That’s how it went, right? Your kitchen was what was between your couch and kitchen, because when you say “kitchen,” you mean “fridge,” so if there’s a clear lead-up to the fridge, and that lead-up is the kitchen, then they are two completely separate places. This means that your kitchen wasn’t part of your fridge, and your fridge wasn’t part of your kitchen. So the opposite now. Cool. Weird. What were you watching? It feels like it’s been a really long time. Your phone is back there, though.
Oh, you paused the movie. That’s cool. Good for you. You’re killing this. You’re probably hungry now, so you’re going to want to head back into your refrigerator, but not actually in the refrigerator, right? Is that right? You should test it. Where are you again? Is it the fridge? Re-check the fridge. You’re killing this.
6:15 A.M.—Back To The Couch
The couch has felt lonely for a really long time. Stop by every place you visited on your way back. See if that spider’s family has given them a proper burial. It’s what the spider deserves. If they haven’t by now, it’s been a really long time, so you will. Once you complete your journey, use the ottoman as an island to lie back down on your couch and hope that this doesn’t carry over into work tomorrow. Everyone is going to be able to tell. They’re all going to know, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. You have to sleep this off immediately. How are you ever going to get through this? This is going to be a lot of work. It’s been such a long time.
5:30 A.M. On 4/21—Still On The Couch
What time is it? It has been a really long time.
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