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…Chill Girlfriend Constantly Suppressing Everything…
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Cultures You Can Safely Appropriate Because They Don’t Have Internet

appropriate

It’s hard to not want to dress in the styles of other cultures, especially when you were born into something as boring as white! But romanticizing the aesthetics of a world you weren’t raised in, yet very much respect purely for fashion’s sake, can no longer be done without accusations of cultural appropriation. So thank Mother Goddess we found some cultures you can safely “honor” through your insensitive wardrobe choices—because they’ll never know about it!

Here are some of our top picks for outfits you can safely appropriate for the simple reason that they don’t have the Internet.

The Amish

The Amish have an incredibly green and off-the-grid lifestyle brand that’s great for mimicking (or even completely adopting to inspire your low-waste community Facebook groups). The Amish are OG’s at DIY—they make their own butter, candles, blankets, and furniture. Umm, coze alert! They also grow their own vegetables and frequent the weekend farmer’s markets to sell their homemade goodies. Wait a min, am I secretly Amish? Just kidding! Social media diets never work for me.

Aside from their tastefully low carbon footprint, the Amish also have a classically minimalist style, opting for solid colors over patterns—which I can personally attest really leaves you with a clearer mind! These silhouettes also leave lots of room for comfort even if they were originally meant to hide the female form from God and men who can’t be distracted while building houses. Overall, taking a note from the Amish is super easy, and they’ll never know because they’ve probably never seen, like, even an iPhone 3G. Sad!

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North Koreans

Um, hello high-and-tight haircuts and linen tunic pant sets! We can’t help but admire Kim Jong Un’s urban bohemian style—even if he is a dictator. We honestly wish we had the confidence to force a whole country to worship us, and will def take an inspo note to carry some of that bravado!

Since North Koreans don’t have internet and only watch television written by the government, there’s no way they can call you out for cultural appropriation.

The Uncontacted Tribes of the Amazon

These South American indigenous peoples are so off the grid they literally haven’t even met someone from New Jersey. Lucky! No seriously, if they were to meet someone from the modern world, they would most likely die because they have zero immunity to our present-day diseases. Meanwhile, we’re dying for their handwoven baskets and DIY tattoos!

The great thing about taking fashion inspiration from an unknown tribe of the Amazon is that no one can say WHICH tribe you’re appropriating—meaning they can shut their dumb mouths. You discovered them on a voluntourism trip, glimpsing them from your helicopter for just enough time to figure out their bead color scheme and shout “free the nipple!” to let them know you totally respect their culture.

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Fundamentalist Mormons

mormon temple

While not so hot for the whole polygamy thing, we’re all about the Mormon DIY campground lifestyle and gorgeous long locks. They dress like they haven’t bought denim since the early ‘90s, so good thing the ‘90s are back in style! Mormons believe that a woman’s hair is symbolic of her femininity, which is why they’re opposed to cutting it. Uh, goddess power alert! Another perk of appropriating FLDS Mormons is that they’re primarily white, so you’re all good on that front.

Plus, those hidden little campgrounds have subpar WiFi, meaning the child brides can’t Facebook message for help…so none of them will even notice when you start Instagramming your chicest take on oppressive patriarchy. If anything, they’ll just ask you to join because you look like you could make good babies!

This Sole Elderly Inhabitant of a Tiny Island Off the Coast of Ireland

Ol’ Domhnall O’Leary has lived on his tiny Irish island for over 50 years, and now that his wife is dead, it’s just him. Sick of humans, Domhnall’s solitary life is definitely unique enough to be deemed a separate culture in its own right. Like how he calls everyday Domhnall Day and wears his dead wife’s old wool sweaters because he refuses to go to the mainland to shop. It’s a Domhnall tradition!

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Domhnall hasn’t heard of the internet, but when we accidentally rowed too close to his island during our motherland visit to Ireland this past summer we learned that he also seems to have his own language—something of a bastardized Irish Gaelic and sheep baas. Oh, Domhnall! You’re so fascinating. And we’re straight up stealing that look!

Images: Unsplash, Johan Redman/UnsplashSurya Prakosa/Unsplash, David Grimes/Flickr, Wikimedia

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