Cultures You Can Safely Appropriate Because They Don't Have Internet
… Red and Yellow Is The New Black…
…Thoughts and prayers found to be cancerous…
…Teeth Found To Be Tongue Prison…
…Forks and outlets: you decide…
…AMBER ALERT: Spoon; Last seen running away with a Dish…
…15 found dead in Warner Bros. Water Tower, at the Warner Movie lot…
…San Francisco and Oakland make up; will become one city…
…Supreme Court Rules: We Rule! …
…Waldo still missing…
…Cancer and Death to marry… cigarettes devastated…
… Michael Jordan Comes Out Of Retirement To Dunk On Angela Merkel…
…Roast Beef: Lunch Meat or Middle Toe? Little Piggies Respond…
…The Academy Awards ‘In Memoriam’ Forgets To Mention Macaulay Culkin For The Third Year In A Row…
…Forever 21 Turns 34 this year…
…Study finds that 9 out of 10 studies are for nerds…
…BitCoins Revealed To Be Pogs All Along…
…Corks Found To Only Be Holding Things Back…
…Hats are cool…
…Police Discover Two Bodies In Witch’s Oven…
…Newest Gaming Trend: Personal Space…
…Dog’s Feet Smell Like Vacuum Cleaner Bag…
…Hillary Clinton Still Roaming The Woods…
…Murder Victim Speaks Out…
…BREAKING: Grandmother Not Actually As Proud Of You As She Says…
…Man Wakes Up From 10 Year Coma, Asks, “What’s Up With Lance Armstrong?”…
…BREAKING NEWS: New Yorkers shocked to learn Staten Island isn’t part of New Jersey…
…RIP KOKO…
…AMBER ALERT: Tiffany Amber Thiessen…
…Quiz: Which 90s Murderer Are You?…
…God found dead in space…
…Scientists find that Vaping is dope AF…
…AMBER ALERT: Amber Tamblyn…
…“Specialist” not a real designation…
…Medieval Times to get modern update…
…Quiz: Does He Know You’re Illiterate? …
…Snow Is Just Rain That Forgot To Melt…
…Local Mom Still Talking About Tupperware…
Cancer linked to death!
…Psychic Predicts World Already Over…
…Colonel Sanders Found to Have Never Served in the Military…
…Christmas Scheduled to Happen Again This Year…
…Entertainment personality ahead in the polls…
Cigarettes linked to cancer!
…City Announces Subway Being Rebranded As “Uber Metro”…
…9 Out Of 10 Dentists Agree: Africa Is Not A Country…
…9 Out Of 10 Dentists Agree: Vacuums Suck…
…Trump Asks Media “What’s A Tariff?”…
…Four turtles and a rat found dead of toxic poisoning…
…Queen Kong???…
…Lindbergh baby missing…
…Mannequins found in store window…
…Ophthalmologist: Glasses Are Sexy…
…BREAKING NEWS: Dumb Is Spelled With A ‘B’…
…Quiz: Do You Have A Savior Complex Or Are You Just Jesus?…
…Tropic of Cancer sues Caribbean Medical Board for copyright infringement…
…Secret Ingredient To Sushi Discovered: FISH…
…”Peacoat” not what name suggests…
…10 Out Of 10 Car Salesmen Agree, You Need A New Car…

Cultures You Can Safely Appropriate Because They Don’t Have Internet

appropriate

It’s hard to not want to dress in the styles of other cultures, especially when you were born into something as boring as white! But romanticizing the aesthetics of a world you weren’t raised in, yet very much respect purely for fashion’s sake, can no longer be done without accusations of cultural appropriation. So thank Mother Goddess we found some cultures you can safely “honor” through your insensitive wardrobe choices—because they’ll never know about it!

Here are some of our top picks for outfits you can safely appropriate for the simple reason that they don’t have the Internet.

The Amish

The Amish have an incredibly green and off-the-grid lifestyle brand that’s great for mimicking (or even completely adopting to inspire your low-waste community Facebook groups). The Amish are OG’s at DIY—they make their own butter, candles, blankets, and furniture. Umm, coze alert! They also grow their own vegetables and frequent the weekend farmer’s markets to sell their homemade goodies. Wait a min, am I secretly Amish? Just kidding! Social media diets never work for me.

Aside from their tastefully low carbon footprint, the Amish also have a classically minimalist style, opting for solid colors over patterns—which I can personally attest really leaves you with a clearer mind! These silhouettes also leave lots of room for comfort even if they were originally meant to hide the female form from God and men who can’t be distracted while building houses. Overall, taking a note from the Amish is super easy, and they’ll never know because they’ve probably never seen, like, even an iPhone 3G. Sad!

North Koreans

Um, hello high-and-tight haircuts and linen tunic pant sets! We can’t help but admire Kim Jong Un’s urban bohemian style—even if he is a dictator. We honestly wish we had the confidence to force a whole country to worship us, and will def take an inspo note to carry some of that bravado!

Since North Koreans don’t have internet and only watch television written by the government, there’s no way they can call you out for cultural appropriation.

The Uncontacted Tribes of the Amazon

These South American indigenous peoples are so off the grid they literally haven’t even met someone from New Jersey. Lucky! No seriously, if they were to meet someone from the modern world, they would most likely die because they have zero immunity to our present-day diseases. Meanwhile, we’re dying for their handwoven baskets and DIY tattoos!

The great thing about taking fashion inspiration from an unknown tribe of the Amazon is that no one can say WHICH tribe you’re appropriating—meaning they can shut their dumb mouths. You discovered them on a voluntourism trip, glimpsing them from your helicopter for just enough time to figure out their bead color scheme and shout “free the nipple!” to let them know you totally respect their culture.

Fundamentalist Mormons

mormon temple

While not so hot for the whole polygamy thing, we’re all about the Mormon DIY campground lifestyle and gorgeous long locks. They dress like they haven’t bought denim since the early ‘90s, so good thing the ‘90s are back in style! Mormons believe that a woman’s hair is symbolic of her femininity, which is why they’re opposed to cutting it. Uh, goddess power alert! Another perk of appropriating FLDS Mormons is that they’re primarily white, so you’re all good on that front.

Plus, those hidden little campgrounds have subpar WiFi, meaning the child brides can’t Facebook message for help…so none of them will even notice when you start Instagramming your chicest take on oppressive patriarchy. If anything, they’ll just ask you to join because you look like you could make good babies!

This Sole Elderly Inhabitant of a Tiny Island Off the Coast of Ireland

Ol’ Domhnall O’Leary has lived on his tiny Irish island for over 50 years, and now that his wife is dead, it’s just him. Sick of humans, Domhnall’s solitary life is definitely unique enough to be deemed a separate culture in its own right. Like how he calls everyday Domhnall Day and wears his dead wife’s old wool sweaters because he refuses to go to the mainland to shop. It’s a Domhnall tradition!

Domhnall hasn’t heard of the internet, but when we accidentally rowed too close to his island during our motherland visit to Ireland this past summer we learned that he also seems to have his own language—something of a bastardized Irish Gaelic and sheep baas. Oh, Domhnall! You’re so fascinating. And we’re straight up stealing that look!

Images: Unsplash, Johan Redman/UnsplashSurya Prakosa/Unsplash, David Grimes/Flickr, Wikimedia

Courtney Paige Barnett
Courtney Paige Barnett

Courtney Paige Barnett writes and performs sketch comedy in Los Angeles in between complaining about her mom on Twitter.

No Comments Yet

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.