A Shopping Guide to the Cupertino Square Mall

Hey Shopaholics! I’ve just gotten back from scoping out the Cupertino Square Mall in sunny Cupertino, CA, and I’ve got some great tips for you. The Cupertino Square Mall opened in 1976, it’s three stories, and has enough space to house almost 200 retail stores. Here’s a shopping guide for any shoppers looking for a steal!

PARKING

It was so easy to find a parking spot at the Cupertino Square Mall because nobody parks there. I had my choice of any spot in either of the two garages. What a treat!

It took me a while to find an entrance for some reason. Every door I found was locked or labeled “Not An Entrance,” which seems like a great way to discourage crowds from flooding the shops on busy Saturdays.

Once I did finally find an open door, I was stuck on the lower level. To get up to the main level, you must use the elevator, because of plants. So far, I’ve seen more plants than cars or people. Is this a mall for plants?

ATMOSPHERE

For me, atmosphere is a big deal when I go out on a shopping excursion, so I’m always excited to see a mall that’s really put some thought into its décor. The Cupertino Square Mall has this cool red light.

Also, there is a tree area, like a park you shouldn’t walk through alone at night because the plants are alive and they will grab you with their tendrils and suck your soul out of your nostrils. I don’t know how to get to it or why it’s there. Looks like someone needs to water the plants!

SHOPPING

Finally, it’s time to hit the shops! There were so many options that I wasn’t even sure where to start. Here are the sale items I scored on my trip to the Cupertino Square Mall.

A handful of sawdust around an exposed outlet.

Part of a woman’s head.

Chairs! And a streetlight indoors? What!

String?

A red ball that I do NOT like.

All of these items were free as there wasn’t a single cash register or a human being to ring them up. What a deal!

DINING

Surprisingly, there was a restaurant. I did not dine here because the soup had snakes in it.

ENTERTAINMENT

The Cupertino Mall is a great place to go if you’re looking for something to do. For your entertainment options, there is a movie theater, and that’s the whole list. They even had a cardboard standee for the upcoming film DEATH WISH, which is exactly what it feels like I have when I watch Eli Roth movies, or walk around this mall.

I was shocked, though, to see this AMC was showing the new X-Files show. When it started, I was even more shocked to discover Mulder and Scully had been recast with Hong Kong actors and the entire program was in Chinese. But that didn’t stop me from enjoying it! This was the most heartbreaking and romantic story in which I’ve seen these two special agents. At the beginning, they break up, and the film chronicles their journey through the break-up process and partnering with new agents. Way to go Chris Carter, I give X-Files 3 a million stars!

What a relaxing day at the mall! It’s always amazing to take some time to yourself, all to yourself, in somewhere incredibly private. Thanks for going on this incredible shopping journey with me, and have fun on your trip to the best Cupertino has to offer!