Become An Organizational Wizard By Asking Actual Wizards For Help
Modern life is always “go, go, go!” With the pressures of career, family, and nine hours a day minimum of refreshing your Twitter feed, it can be hard to keep up with daily household tasks. In fact, people who are able to keep their spaces neat and organized can almost seem like insane wizards. And that’s because they are! That’s why we tracked down some world-famous wizards and asked them for their most useful organizational tips.
In order to find Merlin, you need to bring one Sunstone of Purity to The Great Tree at precisely 2:15 in the afternoon in an odd-numbered year. It took our intern, Margo, seven years to complete this task, but we’re hoping it was worth it. Margo brought the tip back to our office, and on a parchment scroll made of unicorn leather, Merlin wrote: “Maximize vertical space with sufficient shelving to avoid cluttered floors.” Huh.
In Greek mythology, this immortal wizard has a penchant for turning people into animals. After passing nine tests of strength and willpower to reach the sorceress’s island, Margo then had to convince her (in her new warthog form) that she was only there for an article quote. And according to Margo’s warthog script, the famous Grecian witch says, “Place all pet toys in a single wicker or straw basket, but be sure to regularly clean it out to avoid bacterial build-up.” That’s it? Well, it’s still useful, we guess.
Comparatively easy to find for a wizard, tracking down Gandalf only involves passing across the Sundering Seas to a place no human mortal can enter. Luckily, our former intern Margo is now a full-time warthog. That’s how she eventually attained Gandalf’s favorite organizational tip and brought it back to us. Having spent several months deciphering the language of the Elves, we can officially tell you that it says: “Invest in see-through Tupperware. You forget what you have in the fridge if you can’t see it.”
Man, fuck wizards.