I’m Avoiding My Own Party By Hiding Under This Mountain Of Coats

This year, I decided to get out of my comfort zone. Really swing for the fences by throwing this festive, fabulous party. And so far, it’s been a great experience! The food looks great, the bar is gleaming, the guests are arriving. It’s the perfect night to kick back, relax, enjoy myself, and bury myself under this pile of coats until they all leave.

It’s All Part-y Of The Plan

Look, was I *planning* to spend this entire evening in the fetal position, curled up under everyone’s hip and stylish fall coats? Of course not! I assumed that once my guests came, the instinctive joy of hosting would kick in and I’d be the life of my own party. I was looking forward to pouring drinks and mingling, and pretending I made the hummus instead of buying it from the “Just Expired!” rack at Trader Joe’s.

But then I offered to take Katherine’s coat and put it away on the guest bed, and it was so soft. So peaceful. Then I instinctively laid down under it, letting it envelope me. And then more and more people piled their coats on me, some of them saying, “Gosh, where’s Jessica?” But I didn’t answer; I didn’t move. I was one with the coats now.

Loaf Of The Party

It’s not like I’m not at my own party! I can still hear the sounds of my killer party mix muffled through the deep, plush layers of velvet, wool, and rayon above. I can hear snatches of lively conversation, titters of laughter. I know I should get out. After all, I spent weeks planning this. Don’t I want to be out there, serving the party snacks and instigating an ironic game of limbo? It sounds so very fun out there!

But also, exhausting. Oh-so overwhelmingly exhausting. Meanwhile, this warm, safe coat cocoon asks nothing of me. It doesn’t require me to make faux enthusiastic conversation with Cheryl’s painfully quiet cousin (why did she bring her?), or pretend I watched the debates, or—oh god—explain why I got my bachelor’s in semiotics-based Feminist Theory (it seemed practical at the time).

I think I’ll just stay here a little while longer …

Images: Pexels