Finding the Perfect Vape Flavor To Pair With Your Glaring Personality Flaws
If you didn’t already know, today’s digital youth gravitates towards vaping, the healthier alternative to analog cigarettes. If you’re looking to make the switch from Sam Elliott sticks to robot gas, you may be overwhelmed by the number of flavors available. Fortunately, our team of connoisseurs are here to help newbie vape-heads discover the perfect vape flavor to complement their lifestyle. Bon appetit!
Chaz-Michael Whiteson
Aspiring Entrepreneur
Recommended Flavor: Lemon Tart
Tasting Notes:
“Pleasantly pungent, tangy, entitled, and quick to lash out. A cartridge of this zesty cancer-mist will always hit smooth and provide a nice little kick—unlike my cheapskate dad who only kicked me $10k for my startup. Parental neglect, much?
The base note of citrus always soothes the rage I feel when morons on Twitter enjoy the wrong TV shows—the only show worth watching is obviously Rick And Morty. While the experience of vaping lemon tart is not quite as flawless as Rick Sanchez, it does help pass the time while I’m pirating terabyte-loads of music. I wish I could afford to vape and pay for the music I love, but I’m on a strict budget until I get my business or app or whatever off the ground.”
Pairs Nicely With:
“A shelf full of expensive Comic-Con souvenirs and my parents’ insurance.”
Terry “Bumblefoot” Brickfingers
Opinionated Rideshare Employee
Recommended Flavor: Bubblegum
Tasting Notes:
“A classic flavor that subtly enhances my everyday life. I used to enjoy old fashioned bubblegum, but I stopped in solidarity when my friend Chedd got all his teeth knocked out in an Arby’s parking lot. Now whenever I feel the urge to chew, I take a big hit of bubblegum essence in honor of Chedd’s floppy jaws.
When I’m doing my rideshare thing, I split my time between enjoying this sweet, airy flavor and explaining controversial social issues to my female passengers. Some people don’t like it when their driver constantly exhales vapor during a ride they’ve paid for, but some people also get uncomfortable when I loudly quote Tarantino films in family restaurants, so what can ya do? I may not be able to please everyone in this PC climate, but bubblegum vape certainly can!”
Pairs Nicely With:
“Forcing my way into an occupied elevator before anyone can exit.”
Ashlietta Bohemianton
Eventual Film Director
Recommended Flavor: Banana Nut Bread
Tasting Notes:
“A puff of this robust flavor boasts notes of toast, earthy undertones, and sensational smugness. It makes for a great pre-brunch vape session, but only at the hippest organic food spots. Ugh, can you believe the junk that people willingly put into their bodies? They’re so … pedestrian? Hang on, let me check my thesaurus. Yeah, pedestrian.
Every exhale is a delicious fogbank of sighs. The nutty aftertaste is nice, but I’m not that impressed with it. I don’t expect you to know anything about the vastly superior aftertastes I experienced while traveling abroad in Barthelona, so let’s just say that banana nut bread vapor is the new Bushwick.”
Pairs Nicely With:
“A bong rip of my artist farts.”
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Images: Pexels via KnighthoodStudio
