Dick-Slimming Condoms To Hide Your Dick Fat
Dick fat. It’s an issue that affects so very many men, and up until now most guys have just had to suffer in silence. However, with our revolutionary new brand of dick-slimming condoms, you never have to be embarrassed about your big, fat dick ever again. Just choose the silhouette you’re going for, and let us do the rest!
1. The Overall Dick Slimmer
This style was the overwhelming favorite among unwilling test subjects who were forced to pick one. It’s just like a regular condom, except it strangles your dick from meatus to mons pubis, squashing all that unwanted dick fat out of sight, if very much not out of mind. We’re not gonna lie—it’s not gonna feel great. But do you want a thinner dick or not?
2. The Glans-Boosting Condom
Everyone’s favorite dick part is the head! Let that luscious knob shine with our glans-boosting model, which is similar to the Overall Slimmer, except it forces your dick fat upward to draw the eye towards where you want it and away from where you don’t. Think of it as a Wonder Bra for your dick!
3. The “Cinched in the Middle” Model
Everyone wants that coveted hourglass dick shape, and just because no human dick is really shaped like that doesn’t mean you can’t create the illusion! Unlike our other models, this one really is just a regular condom, it just has a thick band in the middle to throttle your dick halfway up the shaft. This might be more or less comfortable. We don’t know. Our test subjects screamed just as loudly.
4. The Vein-Enhancing Rubber
Much like our Cincher, this condom also features thick compression bands, but instead of just one in the middle, there’s one approximately every centimeter along the entire length of the shaft. This cuts any blood flow clean off, trapping it inside each delicious vein, making your dick look like a phallic Mr. Universe. This will almost certainly kill your erection, but if it’s good sex you want, you’re just going to have to stop caring what your body looks like. And who wants to do that?