Summer Staples We Don’t Recommend You Stick Up Your Butt (This Time)

Bunny Ears is saying “yes” to summer and “no more” to your lawsuits! So here’s a list of summer staples we won’t recommend you stick up your butt this time. So don’t blame us if you ignore our advice and end up on that spicy list of things ER doctors removed from anuses this year!

Balloons

We thought it’d be a good idea to upcycle those leftover balloons from birthdays and holidays by sticking them inside your butt! Butt hole expansion is hard, and balloon expansion is easy, so this seemed like a no-brainer. Turns out, this was a brainer! A lot of you had balloons pop inside your butts. We’re so sorry.

Live Birds

We thought this would be a great, all-natural colonic. We were wrong. First of all, we should have told our readers to avoid woodpeckers. Also, we’ve had to replace a lot of pets, including a very large Kiwi bird, which we learned was the national bird of New Zealand after we got sued by their fine nation.

Cheap Snacks For The Movie Theater

When we learned the hard way that TSA checks up butts now, we decided to try and think of lower security places to sneak in contraband up your butthole. Big mistake! Don’t eat stuff you put up your butt! We’re deeply sorry to reader/contributor Brian Boone who got a big payout from our legal department after this debacle. We don’t know how he got pinkeye though. We didn’t know you shouldn’t eat butt snacks, but we definitely knew you shouldn’t rub butt snacks in your eye!!

Condoms

Now, this one’s a little tricky. Normally we would advise you to put condoms up your butt whenever you have sex inside your butthole. However, ever since one of our readers came to our office with a never-ending string of condoms up his butt, our legal department has demanded we advise all our readers not to put condoms up their butts. Under any circumstances. Nothing bad can come from telling people not to use condoms, right?

We hope this article clears up any confusion and future legal trouble regarding readers putting things up their butts.

Sincerely,

The Bunny Ears Crew

Images: Pixabay