Follow Up To Our Summer Boots Article: The Best Foot Fungus Treatments
First of all, we here at Bunny Ears would like to say we are SO SORRY for our article about chic summer boots. The men in our office keep the thermostat at a reasonable 40 degrees, so we were unaware of the harm our article about sexy summer boots seems to have caused. Also, we probably shouldn’t have told you not to wear socks.
Please accept our apologies along with our top six foot fungus treatments.
Treatment One: Tea Tree Oil
Tea tree oil is natural and stinky—just how we like it! Also it might not work. But our friend Becky swears that it’s great for treating acne, fungus, eczema, repelling bears, and curing hepatitis. Please don’t use it in place of bug spray though. Becky definitely has fleas.
Treatment Two: Garlic
Another all-natural and all-stinky treatment! Eat a ton of garlic. Smash it on your head. Shove it up your nose. Rub it on your toes. Read our article about foot play and add a fun garlicky twist! Please keep reading our articles, we are so sorry. Here is a non fungus-inducing article about footwear.
Treatment Three: Oregano Oil
Becky says oregano oil can be used in the place of vaccines, and we don’t feel like fact checking her. We’re sorry for not fact checking whether or not wearing boots in the summer is bad, though. We promise making your toes smell like a pizza is as trendy as the thick, insulated boots we told you to wear in 100 degree heat. Maybe even more so.
Treatment Four: Boric Acid
One of our male readers wrote us to say that our initial boots article managed to spread his yeast infection to his toes (little known fact: men can also get yeast infections, fyi!). But we’re not here to shame Brian Gilmore of 1341 Maple Drive Apartment 17 B, we just want to help. Boric acid is one of the most effective yeast infection treatments out there, even more effective than the prescription medications Brian has already tried. We have no idea how we managed to make your problem worse, Brian N. Gilmore, who works Sundays though Thursdays at the Auto Zone between Pico and San Vicente, but we are deeply ashamed.
Treatment Five: Yogurt and Probiotics
Ok, we’ll be honest, you need to eat a shit ton of yogurt for this to work, particularly if you wore the fur lined leather boots we advertised. Think about how much hemp it would take to actually get a person high—that’s how much yogurt you’d need to eat to cure a fungal infection. Get some of that drinkable yogurt, fill a swimming pool with it, and drink that pool. Again, we apologize. We really dropped the ball on this one. Send your yogurt receipt to We’reSorryAboutTheBo[email protected] and we’ll give you a discount on t-shirts that are totally summer-appropriate and definitely non-fungus inducing. We promise.
Treatment Six: Be The Flip-Flops Guy Now
Normally we would never advise a grown adult to wear flip-flops in an outdoor, non-beach setting, because that’s morally wrong. But desperate times call for desperate measures, and you need to air out those toes thanks to our mistake. Get some flip-flops; change your name to Chad or Brett and get super into beach sports and ‘getting your pump on’ at the gym. Buy every color cargo short (and we mean every). Fill your cart with protein powder and give unsolicited advice in the Trader Joe’s express lane. This is you now, you laid back dudebro. Accept it. (Note: Being a laid back dudebro is not an excuse for white people to have dreads. Cut your damn hair, Brett.)
We hope this helps you cure the disgusting infections we gave you! We’re so, so sorry. Please continue to read Bunnyears.com, subscribe to the Bunny Ears podcast, and give us a dollar for no reason.