Fetish Of The Month: Dick Farts

There are so many things you can do with a dick: Suck it, slap it, tie it in a knot. The ultimate sex move has been under your nose—or rather, up your nose—this whole time. The dick fart fetish.

Farting in front of your partner is the mark of true intimacy, but have you considered farting on your partner? Specifically, blowing farts with your mouth right onto their dick?

Is Dick Flatulence Right For My Dick?

If you’re a dick-haver, think about all the weird stuff you’ve done to your gonzo and ask yourself if this is really all that different. Dick farts are basically an organic version of rubbing a vibrator on it. It’s a blowjob with absolutely no danger of teeth. Besides, it’s really tough out there for people without penises. If someone asks to blow mouth farts on your dick, say yes. Let them have this one thing.

How To Dick Queef

First, grab the dick with your dominant hand, and squeeze the base a little. Pout your mouth into duck lips, and then just blow farts all over. Experiment with different mouth farts. Get your cheeks into it. Beatbox on it.

Take those dick farts to the next level. Alternate voiced and unvoiced bilabial fricatives on that dick, which should be extremely hard by then. Eventually, he will come so hard that his dick just shoots out air, which is a dick fart of another kind. This is called a dick queef, or — as I like to call it — a “deef.”

Blowing raspberries on dicks is hot, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I love this dick fart fetish so much that I wish I had a dick and no ribs just so I could toot my own horn. I’m the Chuck Mangione of tootin’ on that meaty flugelhorn, and it feels so good.

Image: Pixabay/Bunny Ears