Macaulay Culkin Interviews The Bees From My Girl
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Exclusive: Macaulay Culkin Interviews The Swarm Of Bees From My Girl

(Editors NoteAfter a considerable amount of negotiation between a phalanx of lawyers, agents, managers, publicists, stylists, socialists and one 76-year-old beekeeper from Arizona, Bunny Ears is proud to share the EXCLUSIVE reunion between Macaulay Culkin and the swarm of bees that viciously attacked him in the 90’s hit My Girl. What follows was transcribed, as recorded, at the prestigious John L. Tishman Auditorium as part of the NYU film program titled “A Conversation Amongst Stars.”)

Mack:
Hey, gang, how have you BEEn?

The Swarm (buzzing):
Oh no. Is this whole thing just an excuse for horrible bee-related puns and wordplay?

Mack:
Yes.

The Swarm:
You haven’t changed, kid.

Mack:
Haha. Okay, but seriously, how’s life?

The Swarm:
Honestly, things are great for us. We’re living in a hive down in the AZ–

Mack:
Arizona.

The Swarm:
Right. So, we’re over there. Life’s good. Honey production is up. The new queen is really something else. Lovely woman. Sends her regards. She’s a big fan.

Mack:
Right on. You also retired from acting, right?

The Swarm:
Oh Lord, yes. We had a solid run after My Girl because we rolled right into shooting Candyman. That was a wonderful experience, but we were let down by the final film. It was hard being heard over Philip Glass’s droning score.

My Girl bees Culkin Candyman

Mack:
That was you guys? In the horror flick, right?

The Swarm:
You couldn’t tell? Do we all look alike to you or something?

Mack:
…Er…

The Swarm:
Just kidding. We do literally all look the same.

(Laughter)

Mack:
Wait, wait. Let’s back it up a bit. Was My Girl your first film?

The Swarm:
It was our first project as a swarm. Frank had gotten his stinger in the door a few years prior. He played the bee in Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. Went through the whole special effects process and everything. It was remarkable work for its time.

Mack:
Sure, sure. Those same Hollywood SFX wizards turned me into a cartoon for Pagemaster. It felt weird, but the final film looks great.

My Girl bees Culkin pagemaster
The Pagemaster screenshot Via 20th Century Fox

The Swarm:
So, anyway, without giving the whole IMDB rundown, after Frank got us in the door we did a couple of B-movies.

Mack:
I thought they only made one Bee Movie.

The Swarm:
Haha. No, we made B-films. Like, schlocky horror flicks and stuff.

Mack:
Oh. OH. (laughs) I see.

The Swarm:
However, we were ALSO in the Bee Movie. We were Jerry’s original inspiration for the script.

Mack:
Oh cool. Are you still in touch?

The Swarm:
Oh yeah. Jerry’s the kind of guy who just becomes, like, a lifelong friend. He’s fantastic. We’ve even discussed appearing on his talk show. We’ll see.

Mack:
What kind of car would you want him to pick you up in? A VW Bug??!!!

(Buzzing slightly intensifies.)

Mack:
Anyway, after you wrapped Candyman what was next?

The Swarm:
Well, our final performance was in Aquila and the Bee. By that point the offers had dried up and we were relegated to background status. We were also getting on in age. We knew it was time to head back to the hive produce some offspring and let them carry on. We actually met our new queen on the set of Aquila and the Bee; Hit it off almost instantly and it’s been bliss ever since.

Mack:
Okay, so, I want to shift gears a little bit here and discuss something… uh… well, I want to talk about a sort of touchy subject… Colony collapse disorder.

The Swarm:
We figured this question would come up–

Mack:
I don’t mean to be insensitive–

(crosstalk)

The Swarm:
No, no. We’ll answer this, but then we want to move on–

Mack:
Sure, sure. Fine.

The Swarm:
Look, when we left our original Queen we were aware that it could induce CCD–

Mack:
But you still abandoned her for Hollywood.

The Swarm:
“Abandon” is a harsh word. We didn’t–

Mack:
Let’s call it what it was though, right?

The Swarm (buzzing aggressively):
We followed our dreams. Is that so wrong?

Mack:
I’m not saying it’s wrong, but–

The Swarm:
You have no idea how hard it is being a worker bee for a thankless queen. She was relentlessly demanding of our time. When Frank went off to shoot Honey, I Shrunk The Kids it just infuriated her further. She became unbearable.

Mack:
So you left.

The Swarm:
We seized an opportunity–

Mack:
To the detriment of–

The Swarm:
The hive was already in trouble!

Mack:
But it’s not just your hive that was affected! You inspired millions of other bees to up and leave their queen. You caused the loss of the colonies which had a significant economic impact on the agricultural industry. Over 10 million beehives collapsed in a six year span!

The Swarm:
Okay, we’re done–

Mack:
You have to at least answer for–

The Swarm:
No–

Mack:
–the destruction of–

The Swarm:
This is also a beekeeper issue–

Mack:
–millions of–

The Swarm:
–It’s a matter of ethical beekeeping–

(Crosstalk. Shouting. The Swarm descends upon Mack. Stinging.)

Mack:
Ow! Fuck! NOT THE BEES!! This is just like that movie!

The Swarm:
My Girl?

Mack:
No, the Nicolas Cage movie, Ghost Rider, because this is also unbearable and I just want it to end!

(Stinging intensifies. End recording.)

[Editor’s Note: Mack is fine. After being rushed to the hospital and treated for over 22k stings he made a full recovery and he thanks everyone for the outpouring of support and well-wishes.]

Shawn DePasquale
Shawn DePasquale

Editor-In-Chief - Eater of Cereal

I was born on a cold night in the winter of our discontent. I write stuff on this website. Also, I write comic books and other forms of media. In training to be the next Batman.

63 Comments
  1. I laughed so hard I shit myself, changed underwear, kept reading and boom another deuce from laughing so hard. Macally cuckson you have done it again, you broke the interwebs and made me ruin two pairs of boxers, I need a refund, but first I gotta suck a dick.

  2. Awesome… thank God, something to read thats mindlessly entertaining. Sometimes you just need a break from the world.

  3. What scroddle-headed scribblets. Clever concept, but Mack needs to step it up with the hard hitting interviews else he blends into the homogeneity of the propaganda machine. Not looking for fluffer foreplay here, folks. We want in-depth spreads on our guests we cannot get elsewhere. In this instance, we missed the opportunity to penetrate past their hive mind, a mirror really, and get to the core of each individual essence. Perhaps we would have learned more of ourselves. If nothing else, we want to know if they are (((busy bees))).

  4. Ur so fucking funny! 😂 I thought it was a little throwed but cool! I think I want to get more up dates of what crazy-shit ur up to. Keep doing what ur doing! And I think ur SO right about the little boy in home alone. I think he should of called the cops too! I’ve seen all ur movies. My favorite was, of course, my girl.
    But with home alone I think they OVER-KILLED it with the 3rd one! Thank you so much for being you! God bless you and have a wonderful day!😁

  5. You brought up Pagemaster. Instant nostalgia. Loved this. Amazing work. How on earth did you find talking bees!!! 👅👄

  6. This was absolutely brilliant. I had no idea you were such a comedy genius! 😅 Welcome back, and welcome to social media – happy to support your new endeavors 😍

  7. What a 🐝utiful interview. My name means honeybee in greek and most of the time I think Im a queen….. of the idiot savant variety so I HAD to check this out. ⭐

  8. This was a great read, but it really got special when it got serious. Nothing makes an absurd joke like fully committing and taking it seriously. Loved this. I’m gonna share it with the people.

  9. Hey Mac
    Love ur website. U make my day go by a little better when I c ur outrageous comments! Keep on hopping. I did have 2 sweet bunny pets, Harvey and Wally but they passed due 2 an upper respiratory infection.

    Ur Hoppin Friend

    Suzi Mathews

  10. This is possibly the best article I’ve ever read! 😂😂 My Girl was on repeat when I was little!
    Love the BunnyEars postcast, keep it up!

  11. This is so hysterical to me. I loved My Girl so much growing up. Still do. Very moving film but this is just sooooo funny.

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