Who Peed In My Kombucha?
People have been drinking kombucha for thousands of years because of its numerous health benefits and tons of antioxidants (yum!). This wonder tea had been on my radar for a while, but I’d never tried it—so I finally bought a bottle for myself. But when I took a swig, I was surprised. Someone had peed in my kombucha.
There it was. The unmistakable taste of stale human urine. And trust me. I know human urine when I taste it. It tastes exactly like kombucha. Someone used the glass bottle as their personal urinal, but the question was who? And why?
Maybe It Was the Person Who Bottled It?
Of course the person who peed in the tea had to be the person who made it, right? It would be the perfect crime. They had access to all the bottles before the safety seals were put on. It would be so easy for them to take a leak in one. And nobody would be able to tell them no.
Could It Have Been the Delivery Truck Driver?
The bottle in question was made in California but purchased in New York. That means a truck driver had to drive it there. That’s a long drive. It’s late at night. You have to go. But there’s no bathroom for miles. Oh, what’s that? You’re transporting a cargo full of bottles that already taste like piss? Maybe no one will notice if you decide to relieve yourself in one? Think again, Truck Driver! I noticed for sure!
Did Someone Do It as a Joke?
Picture it. Your coworker steps away from their desk but leaves out an open, untried bottle of kombucha. Of course your impulse is to pee in it as a funny joke. It’s not the first time someone has done that in my office. And it won’t be the last. But the pee in question didn’t taste like the urine of anyone I know. It wasn’t sour enough. Or was it too sour? My palate was confused.
Did I Do It?
Maybe I peed in my own kombucha and forgot about it? When you’re a writer for a celebrity lifestyle blog, you’re prone to intermittent blackouts because of sustained non-broken intermittent fasting. How do you know you didn’t have another spell where you urinated in the closest thing to you … a kombucha bottle. You don’t.
I may never know who actually peed in my kombucha, but there is one thing I’m certain of: Nobody would sell a drink that’s supposed to taste this acrid. There’s just no way.