Boost Your Immune System With Ball Pit Immersion Therapy
Your immune system is a muscle. The more you work it out, the stronger it will get. And what better way to get those immune system reps in than by exposing it to the most unsanitary location known to man—the ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese’s. That’s right. It’s called Ball Pit Immersion Therapy, and it’s about to change your life.
How It Works
When we vaccinate ourselves, we take in a little bit of a disease to build up our body’s natural resistance to it. By swimming around in a plastic ball pit for three hours a week, you’re doing exactly the same thing—and you don’t even have to go any where near needles (except, of course, the needles that are already in the ball pit). Don’t fool yourself into thinking they’re not there. Because they are. Relax, they’re just insulin needles from the diabetic kids, so you’ll prevent yourself from getting that, too.
They’re Filled with Every Disease Known to Man
Children are carriers of disease. Ball pits are filled with their sweat, snot, and feces (especially the one in Torrence). Don’t be alarmed if you find yourself rubbing up against it. That’s just one more disease your body knows how to tolerate, even if touching the feces made you yak.
It’s Actually Kind of Relaxing
The sound of screaming children eventually becomes white noise, and it can even start to sound as soothing as the ocean. It reduces stress, which reduces cortisol, which will make you less likely to get sick. Close your eyes and let yourself take some “me time.” Quickly, though. Because those kids like to jump on skulls.
For Best Results:
For the best results, you should immerse yourself in a ball pit on a weekly basis. Just know you should be prepared to have an argument with the manager about how you’re not doing anything wrong, you just want to rub yourself against the balls while you expose yourself. Don’t phrase it like that, though, because then you’ll get kicked out like I did.