I Think I Made Banana Bread?

September 30, 2019 by , featured in Food and Recipes
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Banana bread is one of my favorite foods, so when I stumbled on this seemingly awesome online recipe, I knew I had to try it. But I don’t know … somewhere, somehow, things went wrong … very wrong. I mean, technically, it’s banana bread? It looks like banana bread. It has that banana bread shape, and it’s banana-bread colored, but beyond that … I dunno.

But anyway! In addition to being delicious, banana bread is a great way to use up overripe bananas (which is fantastic for moms like me who hate waste). The bananas I used for this recipe … they were just regular bananas. I swear. Maybe a little freckled, but nothing weird beyond that. How … how did they become… this? 

Where were we? Oh yeah. The bread. If you want to jazz things up, you can always add chocolate chips. They’re a great way to add some fun to a tried and true classic.

That’s it! The chocolate chips! Maybe that’s where I went wrong?

But wait—no. At least I don’t think so. The chocolate chips are basically the only thing that isn’t causing a problem here. Maybe it’s the flaxseed I added to give the recipe a healthful boost? Does flaxseed make things somehow both spongy and dry? Also, why is this loaf so heavy? There’s no reason for it to be so much denser and heavier than the sum of all its parts, right? God I don’t know. Is this a physics thing?

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Oh! Maybe it’s that tablespoon of olive oil! I read that olive oil is a great way to sneak antioxidants into baked goods, so I threw a little in. That’s gotta be it. But does olive oil make things this flavorless, and … sandy … and … sharp? Like literal pieces of glass on your tongue?

You know what? I’m fucking done. I love banana bread, but I can’t put myself through this any more. The recipe says to store the loaf in the fridge for up to five days, but I’m going to burn it to ashes and then burn those ashes to ashes.

Wait, why won’t it burn?

Images: Unsplash, Pixabay


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