bunnyears

…According to studies accordions are unsteady…
…Bunny Ears wins prestigious Bunny Ears website of the year award at the Bunny Ears Awards…
…Quiz: Is This The Good Milk?…
…Fourth grade teacher found to be not as hot as you remember…
…Research shows laughter definitely not the best medicine…
…Violent Pokémon dispute sparks trade war…
…Man discovers woman already knows thing he was going to tell her….
…Hospital Cracks Down On Patients Getting Chemo For Fun…
…Don’t Forget To Grab Milk…
…Drugs In Water Supply Treat Fish’s Depression…
…Email From Mom Has 4 FWDs In Subject Line…
…Single 32 Year Old Patiently Waits For Friends To Get Divorced…
…Woman With Scoliosis Has Detailed Knowledge Of Floor-…
…Single Woman Manages To Meet Food Delivery Minimum…
…Reported discovery of new planet turns out to be your mom…
…Help, I’m Trapped In A Headline Writing Factory. Details To Follow…
…’Glow Up’ Discovered To Just Be DBZ Reference…
…A New Generation Of Turtles Are Learning Martial Arts…
…Breaking – There’s A Spider In Your Pocket…
…Breaking: Absolutely no one wang chunging tonight…
…Woman Memorizes Snapple Fact In Case Tonight’s Party Is That Bad…
…Gordon Ramsay Signed Beef Wellington Sells For 1.6 Million…
…According to studies studying causes cancer…
…Unusually Buff Dog Not Breaking Eye Contact…
…Survey finds startling amount of ghosts are racist….
…Am I standing right behind you? The answer might surprise you!…
…Scientists Discover A Lot Of Cool Junk In Older Brother’s Room…
…Scientists find that deja vu is just alternate timeline of you dying…
…Man pretty sure Game Of Thrones is historically accurate…
…Santa is real, and he lives in your crawl space….
…Dollars to donuts exchange crashing…
…Hurricane wipes out town of Duckberg…
…Did Tupac fake his birth?…
…New Boyfriend Eats Imitation Crab Straight From The Package…
… Michael Jordan Comes Out Of Retirement To Dunk On Angela Merkel…
…Adult Hearing Mom Use Their Full Name Still Terrified…
…Half The World’s Bees Have Never Seen The Show Seinfeld…
…Big dick energy drink selling poorly…
…Children May Be Stupider And Weaker Than Previously Thought…
…Update: Only very tiny hats now cool…
…Sugar daddy eaten by ants…
…Mother Struggles To Explain Scott Baio To Her Child…
…Report reveals Rice-A-Roni actually from Detroit…
…Local white guy “gets it”…
…6 Year Online Romance Ends In Weird Handshake…
…Shazaam not a real movie…Google it…
…Opinion: We’re In A Golden Age Of Trash Talking…
…13th month discovered between February and March….
…Very smart toilet begs for death…
…Millennials Are Disrupting The Banjo Industry…
…Against All Odds, Man Learns To Dance…
…Your Dog Might Have A Secret Passport…
…Confirmed: Everyone is hanging out without you…
…Study: Loss Of Car Leads To 1000% Catcalling Increase…
…Spoiler alert: The milk has gone bad…
…Local Couple Adopts Blind Dogs And Just Puts Them Down…
…Chill Girlfriend Constantly Suppressing Everything…
…Opinion: I Have The Best Smile And Coolest Personality …

Amazing Products 100% Not Involved In The Murder I’ve Been Accused Of

Online shopping can be really overwhelming, but that’s why the Internet has people like me to help. I have tested the best of the best, and I’m here to recommend this set of incredible products that I happen to be offering* and has absolutely nothing at all to do with the recent unsolved disappearance of Ms. Ivanovna, the wealthy and hermetic landlady who lived upstairs.

These Super-Absorbent Towels

I don’t think I’m alone when I say I love a good shower—all that water, hot to the point where you can barely stand it, steaming up your bathroom and searing away at your skin. Sometimes, I feel like I need to spend hours and hours in near-boiling water, scrubbing myself with steel wool just to rid myself of stains.

And boy, do these towels feel great afterwards! The soft touch of the 100% genuine Turkish cotton gives you a feeling that the future isn’t written and maybe forgiveness is possible. Plus, I can personally vouch for the fact that two or three of them can absorb a full five (five!) liters of liquid without any lasting stains or traces of DNA.

This Set Of Leather-Bound Philosophy Texts

With rhino-leather bindings, luxurious high-weight linen pages, and meticulous attention to details, these classic editions of the great works of existentialist philosophy are a true treasure to posses as you consider questions like “Is truly everything permitted?” and “Are the Napoleons of the world, history’s great men, just those with the will to do what the weak will not consider?”

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This Incredible Knife Set

When it comes to knives, quality counts. You want high-end carbonate steel with a point that won’t bend. These knives can slice through bone if it necessary, even though I, at least, would never need to do that.

These Bags Full Of Teeth And Hair

Why would you want this? I don’t know, but the detective who keeps coming around my apartment sure does, so they must have some value. Maybe you want something to just stare at for hours and hours at a time until you return to consciousness of the present only to realize the doorbell is ringing and you can’t remember how long that’s been happening. Maybe you want to make a necklace. I don’t know your life, and I’m not here to ask questions. Neither are you.

These Keys To A Safe Deposit Box In An Undisclosed Location

These high-quality steel keys are available for immediate shipping. Each will grant you access to a top-of-the-line security deposit box. You don’t need to know what’s in the box or where it is. Let’s just say that, should you discover the box, there’s definitely not a big pile of money to keep you quiet about what else is in the box. Why would you want the keys to a box I’d prefer you not open but will entice you to be discreet about if you do? Well, for one thing, you would be doing me a huge favor. I really need to not have these keys in my possession. Also, look at them. They’re pretty, right?

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*All items are available for immediate shipping only outside of the jurisdiction of the Cayahoga County Police Department. Name your price. International deliveries preferred.

Images: PixabayPixabay, Pixabay, Pixabay, Pexels, Pixabay

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