What If Bad Things, But Not?
Everything seems awful all of the time these days, but are you sure that’s really the case? We’ll make the case that you should cheer up a bit.
Finding Myself: Why I Joined A Gang Of Sewer-Dwelling Martial Artists
It started when I saw three mysterious figures dancing around a barrel fire in the sewer.
Amazing Products 100% Not Involved In The Murder I’ve Been Accused Of
Everything must go! As soon as possible!
Culinary Experiments That Are Also Depressing Thought Experiments
You know what they say: Candy is dandy, but the call of the void will send you spiraling down into an existential crisis. No matter how much you try to avoid it, there will be times in your life when you’ll question the meaning of everything and, indeed, the very nature of the universe. So […]
Philosophical Reasons You HAVE To Bleach Your Asshole
Some dilemmas in life can only be answered by analyzing the words of the great thinkers of humanity. People often turn to religion when pondering the big questions, but as a practical person who finds value in tangible thought structures rather than spiritual reconnaissance, I’m much more likely to turn to philosophy to answer the […]
People Keep Thinking I Speak in Wise Metaphors But I’m a Literal Idiot
I don’t think of myself as an especially wise person, but occasionally I do have revelations. This morning, for example, I told the barista making my latte that I had just realized something very important. “You can’t go through life with your emergency brake on,” I said. “It just creates friction and then when you […]
What’s All This Then: Bunny Ears Determines That Free Will Is A Lie
Bunny Ears knows that your quest for spiritual wellness takes many forms. During the day you may just need to know how much flaxseed to add to your oatmeal to get you through that staff meeting. But at night you’re haunted by bigger questions: Why are we here? Where are we going? Or, as we […]