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The Secret To Inviting In Wealth: Think Naughty Thoughts To Make Money Horny For You

Hi there. My name is Kai Jett Tripperson. I’m a life coach, entrepreneur, motivational speaker, joy strategist, influencer, improv teacher, and self-published author of the 10-page novella, “Awaken Your Inner Money Slut: The Art Of Saying Yes To Success.” Apart from my prestigious career, I enjoy food, music, and having intercourse with my sexually attractive girlfriend.

I’m here to clear up your misconceptions about earning money. Many motivational entrepreneurs will tell you that “it’s not wrong to want money.” But has anyone ever told you that it’s not wrong for money to want you? Boom. Brain fireworks.

The Secret To Inviting In Wealth: Think Naughty Thoughts To Make Money Horny For You

Listen. I read 80 self-help books a day, and my consciousness has ascended to the cosmosphere. I have returned to my meat-body to share what I learned. The first thing you need to know about making money is that the universe is a giant thought-sponge. When you have a thought, it gets sucked up by the cosmos. So, my dudes, all you have to do is squirt out your thought juice into the universe. It’ll trickle down until it reaches the money. The money will listen to your telepathy, ergo, if you beam out hot sexy thoughts, money will get a boner for you. Here is a diagram to illustrate the process:

The Secret To Inviting In Wealth: Think Naughty Thoughts To Make Money Horny For You

Fig. A

As you can see in figure A, the universe receives Sexy Thoughts and passes them along to money. Money becomes turned on by the Sexy Thoughts and seeks you out. At this point you may be asking, “What kinds of thoughts are sexy enough to entice money?” Well, Kai Jett Tripperson has got you covered. Here are a few hot thoughts you can telepathically broadcast to make money randy for you:

  • Your lips brushing softly against money
  • Money coming over to your house to find you wearing only a rose between your teeth
  • You being gentle and caring towards pennies (money loves good dad/mom material)
  • Having sex in a car on the Titanic with money
  • Calling money up and describing what you are wearing
  • Money delivering a pizza to you, but you have no delivery boys to pay for it (so you pay with something else)
  • Rubbing money against your butt

Once you’ve send out enough lascivious thoughts about money, you will definitely have the money’s attention. At this point you’ll need to seal the deal. The cash must be enticed to enter your pockets, but it’s far too forward to bluntly ask the money if it wants to get inside your wallet. Put the money at ease by inviting it into your wallet to watch some Netflix. DO NOT choose to watch the show “Dirty Money,” or the film “Moneyball,” as this will make it feel uncomfortable. You need to be respectful of the money: too often, it is mistreated, used to snort cocaine or to buy tickets for that movie with Melissa McCarthy and the puppets.

The Secret To Inviting In Wealth: Think Naughty Thoughts To Make Money Horny For You

You can also dress in a manner that will seduce money. Large, ample pockets. A taut, supple leather wallet. A capacious fanny pack. Money will find you irresistible. You’ll be money’s naughty little tart. And if the mood is right, you can spice things up with some dirty talk: “Oh yes, I’m going to spend without a budget. Oh no I don’t need to see the receipt I’m so fiscally irresponsible. I’m going to invest all my money in leveraged oil ETFs even though they’re known to be volatile because I’m a bad girl/boy and I need to be punished.”

One word of warning: if you end up getting money too horny and you wind up pregnant, you may give birth to a grotesque money/human hybrid that burns the eyes of God. So be careful, because we don’t need another Jeff Bezos in this world.

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