Macrodosing: Taking So Much LSD That Nothing Matters Anymore
Scientists are only just starting to understand the positive effects of “microdosing,” the act of taking a small dosage of LSD every few days in order to beat depression and boost creativity. But what about “macrodosing” LSD? Surprisingly, very little is known about the effects of taking gargantuan amounts of LSD every day until the world stops mattering completely. To rectify this, I decided to try out this new spiritual craze and take half a sheet of LSD every other day for 30 days. I documented my weekly progress, including a basic creativity test and other changes to my mood.
On the first day macrodosing LSD, before I took my bi-daily dosage, I created a baseline by drawing a simple picture while unaffected. Currently, I am juggling multiple worries surrounding my personal relationships and career. Let’s see if taking half a sheet, or 50 doses, will change my outlook!
Day two: I am The Owl.
One of four Serpent Gods that secretly rule the inner Earth, each of their tails puppeteering an individual in power. When one leader dies, another is born. They have been here since the beginning of time. And yes, Jesus Christ was the serpent (not equine, as previously believed) alpha. SO WAS HITLER and Pete Rose.
Aside from this blistering revelation, I’ve become incredibly aware of my own bastardly tongue. I constantly obsess with what snake-like secrets it might be hiding. Next week, I plan to seek a doctor for a routine medical check as part of this experiment. I will inquire about my tongue or remove it before it gets the better of me. I also tried Fanta for the first time.
I’m honestly not sure if I saw a doctor or not, but I did, apparently, make this picture at some point during week two. It was found in a suitcase along with E.K.G. printouts from four different hospitals, one of which is in Arizona, roughly 400 miles from my apartment. Also in the suitcase were two pairs of severed handcuffs, implying that I have exceeded the confines of morality. I am currently writing this sentence in a shrinking bubble of consciousness.
Overall, I’ve become less concerned about showing up late to events, because it turns out that time is merely a tether to which we shackle ourselves. I no longer experience time, and I feel better for it. Somewhere in the distance, I can hear my mother screaming for me. I’m still adjusting to the process.
This week, I was finally able to get back into the groove of regular life, spending my first day cleaning the apartment before calling a friend to make plans. After lunch, I applied to a few jobs before meeting said friend for dinner. The next day, I went out on a few errands before returning home to do laundry and a little bit of work. I felt focused and happy, satisfied with how this new lifestyle was treating me.
On day three, I finally decided to check Twitter, only to realize that the entire time I thought I was being productive was actually spent standing naked outside the running shower. It was still only the first hour of the week, and I had accomplished nothing. I did, however, find the following pictures on my desk either the day before or the following day:
This implies that something happened, but I’m not entirely sure what. I’m just a passenger now. That’s when I realized that, as an Owl Man with a powerful tongue, I was no longer required to do laundry or chores or apply for jobs. The chair smiled at me. The chair doesn’t have to worry about dinner with friends. All the chair has to worry about is being a chair. We laughed about it for what seemed like hours.
Nearing the end of my experiment, I decided to stab my entire car to death so that it wouldn’t tempt me with the old ways of human. I was not human but merely a collection of blood hidden inside a sock of skin. I am that sock. An Owl Sock man with hands full of sand. Suddenly, there were several small explosions, and the room filled with smoke. Being one-quarter Smoke on my father’s side, I did not fear this, so we all decided to hold a dance recital to celebrate my heritage. Owl-me, the chair, the car, the police: We were all tethered to the great Serpent Gods like pods hung from a shrub.
This macrodosing LSD experiment had indeed cured my anxiety, and it was at this time that I realized only four days had actually passed since I took my first dosage. This surprised me, as did the amount of water rushing in from my kitchen. I love you, Keenan Thompson.
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They're weird, they're funny, and they're always so pretty! The Goldin Rules…