Recipes For Standing In Front Of The Fridge In Your Underwear At 2AM

We’d never shame you for late-night snacking, even though we probably should, which is why we gave our chefs in the Bunny Ears test kitchen a challenge: Whip up some delicious recipes specifically for people staring into the abyss of their refrigerator at 2:00 AM wearing nothing but their underwear. We hope you’re hungry and exhausted, because these late-night snacks that are best enjoyed with a set of nipples stiffened by the cold air of your open refrigerator will not disappoint!

Rolled Ham And Kraft Singles With A Little Squirt Of Mustard On Every Bite

You can squirt a line of mustard down the center of the cheese if you want, but putting it on every bite imparts a sense of control that you clearly lost. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be eating with the refrigerator door open in your underwear at 2:00 AM.

Ingredients:

• Slice of ham
• Slice of Kraft singles American cheese
• Mustard

Steps:

1. Lay slice of ham on your bare hand. Do not use a cutting board because then you’d have to clean it, and let’s face it, that’s just not happening for at least another 12 hours.

2. Layer the Kraft single on top of the ham.

3. Roll into a tube. Eat while squirting mustard on each bite and staring into the middle distance.

A Pickle, Chocolate Syrup, And A Baby Carrot, But Not At The Same Time

The genius of this dish is how, with just three ingredients, our chefs encapsulated the natural flow of a bleary-eyed, probably depressed person following their instinct and taste buds from one flavor experience to another, each a direct response to the one before it.

It begins with the pickle to get that brininess you need late at night. Then, it’s contrasted with the rich sweetness of the chocolate syrup. The refreshing neutral flavor of a baby carrot is the perfect way to cleanse the palate so you can get to bed without feeling guilty about how you’re definitely not going to brush your teeth first.

Ingredients:

• A pickle
• Chocolate syrup
• 1 baby carrot

Steps:

1. Eat the pickle.

2. Pour chocolate syrup directly into your mouth.

3. Eat the baby carrot.

Condiment Tasting Menu: Mayo, Ketchup, Mustard, Sriracha

Actually making a thing to put a condiment on, like a sandwich or a hot dog, requires a degree of effort that is frankly Herculean at this hour. Our test kitchen chefs figured “Why make that kind of a mess when you can single out the part of the sandwich that imparts anything resembling an actual flavor and just eat that?” This tasting menu of condiments runs the gamut of saucy flavor profiles you’ll love, because it’s not like you’re drowning in options right now.

Ingredients:

• Mayonnaise
• Ketchup
• Mustard
• Sriracha

Steps:

1. Squirt each condiment onto a surface and lick it off.

A Finger Dipped Into A Bottle Of Buffalo Wing Sauce

The appeal here isn’t that it’s a snack that satisfies, because it doesn’t, at all. You just get the jolt of heat you need late at night in your zombified state when you’re looking for a reminder that you’re even alive.

Ingredients:

• A bottle of buffalo wing sauce
• A finger, preferably index or middle

Steps:

1. Remove cap from buffalo wing sauce bottle.

2. Plunge extended finger it into the bottle of buffalo wing sauce.

3. Glaze your finger in buffalo wing sauce from nail to the third knuckle.

4. Suck it off.

Fistfuls Of Dry Cereal With A Milk Chaser Straight From The Container

This brilliant deconstruction of the classic cereal concept we all usually reserve for, oh, say, about another 4 hours from the time you’re eating this has all the benefits of cereal with none of the torment of lightly rinsing a bowl.

Ingredients:

• Cereal, usually something a child would prefer
• Milk, still in its container.

Steps:

1. Using a hand shaped into a claw, reach into the box and pull out a fistful of cereal.

2. Shove as much into your mouth as possible. Whatever falls to the floor is somebody else’s problem.

3. When your mouth feels dry after a number of fistfuls, take a swig of milk directly from the container. Whatever cereal-flecked backwash may occur is also somebody else’s problem.

Images: Luis Prada