The Best Luchador Masks For Any Sexual Act

November 16, 2019 by , featured in Wrestling
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I was recently in Mexico, and did you know they have wrestling there, too? Turns out Rey Mysterio is not some sort of magical high-flying gnome as I had originally assumed, but a practitioner of the storied Mexican tradition known as Lucha Libre, which means “Free Fight” in English. And since I’m crushing it on vacay, I’ve had the chance to explore some other things down here, if you know what I mean …

Sex. I mean sex. I’ve been having it, and it turns out these luchador masks aren’t just great for doing flips off of ropes. So in the name of helping you out, here’s a handy guide to what lucha masks you should wear the next time you’re getting lucky. Muy caliente!

1. The Act: Catching an Anonymous BJ. The Mask: Mil Máscaras

 

I like to be respectful of boundaries, which is why if you’re too ashamed to be seen with me, I’ve got this mask ready for our night or afternoon together. Complete with mouth-hole, for mouth-hole sex.

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2. The Act: Crazy High-Flying Trapeze Sex with a Nice Religious Girl. The Mask: Rey Mysterio

Rey Mysterio loves “Hey-Zeus” a lot. Which is why if you’re going to wear this mask during crazy high-flying spinning trapeze sex, it’s gotta be with a girl comfortable around the cross (that’s also smack dab in the middle of your forehead).

3. The Act: S&M. The Mask:  La Parka

 

The “Chairman of WCW” (sorry Shawn Spears) is a portly Halloween skeleton who plays air guitar on a steel chair as he absolutely wallops you with it. So, you know, whatever floats your boat.

4. The Act: Cyber Sex. The Mask: Cibernético

A/S/L??? Hey guys, remember the 1990s, where I spent most of my time in AOL chatrooms as a large-breasted redheaded lesbian? Well, this Cibernético mask is perfecto for the ciber-sexo. Good luck rubbing one out in that Nintendo Power Glove, though.

Images – WWE, Unsplash/Fotosuabe/Wikipedia


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