Fetish Of The Month: Constant, Laborious Dedication To Getting Me Off
This month, we here at Bunny Ears have decided to accept the inevitable. We have done all the kinky things. We have seen all the weird porn. We are all out of sex. That’s why this month’s Fetish of the Month is the constant, laborious dedication it will take to get us to enjoy sex again.
A Thousand Whirring Gadgets
Part of this month’s FOTM is the financial ability and fortitude to purchase thousands of dildos, straps, buckles, riding bulls, torques, etc. (We don’t know what a torque is, but we think it might help.) To get us off, you’ll need a sex room filled to the brim with every device meant to enhance human intercourse. And just to be safe, invest in some devices that are definitely not meant to enhance human intercourse. If there’s a warning label, that’s a plus.
Also, we require batteries now. You’re gonna need to replace the batteries in our vibrators, like, 10 times before anything happens. Be prepared.
Quit Your Job
Listen, we’ve tested and published dozens of articles about things we put in our buttholes alone. Our genitals are pretty much decor at this point. We’ve seen it all, we’ve done it all, and we’re dead inside (but also zesty, thanks to the lemons). To actually get us off, you’re gonna need time. That’s why part of our new fetish involves you quitting your job so you can pour your every waking second into trying to make us feel something again.
Replace Your Fingers
We’re warning you now: If you keep trying to bring us to climax, your fingers are going to fall off. Invest in some good robot fingers, or barring that, a supportive finger exoskeleton. Don’t worry about exoskeleton girth or roughness. We can guarantee we won’t notice such things.
Good luck! And we hope you’re ready for the constant, laborious dedication it takes to bring us anywhere close to orgasm.