Acquiring oral herpes is one of the most exciting periods in life, and one of the most thrilling moments in this very special journey is sharing the good news with your family, friends, co-workers, and neighbors. People used to just find out they had herpes at the doctor, and that was it. Over the past few years, however, more and more herpes-positive individuals have begun making a celebration out of it, we’re guessing. Gone is some stuffy doctor’s office; now is the time of big, fun backyard blowouts or elegant garden shindigs—the “herpes reveal party,” as they probably call them on Pinterest.
The crux of any herpes reveal party is, of course, the big moment when you let everyone know you have herpes. How should you choose to share the news with your favorite people? Here are some cute and memorable ideas.
Take a Whack
It’s not a party without a piñata! The one hanging from your tree may look like boring and nondescript—round, bulbous, and reddish-pink—but then the whacking stick comes out, and WHAM! Dozens of mini-tubes of Abreva spill out.
How Sweet it Is!
From the outside, it looks like a normal, fancy cake, but when you cut into it, the whole thing bursts open like a herpes sore, spilling “pus” and “ooze” (which are various jams) every which way. Also, you can have them decorate the cake so it says “I Have Herpes” written on top.
That’s No Donkey
Tell your guests that you’re going to play Pin the Tail on the Donkey. After you blindfold them, hand them what they think is a “tail,” which is actually a picture of a herpes sore. Then nail to a tree the “donkey,” which is a large, cartoonish illustration of your genitals. Once the blindfold comes off, they’ll figure out you’ve got herpes!
How about a Harry Potter–themed reveal party? Buy an old, floppy hat, and when each guest arrives, have them sit in a special chair and put on this “Sorting Hat.” Through a tiny hidden Bluetooth speaker connected to a microphone, tell the hat-wearing friend that you—and now, most likely, they—have herpes.
Take a Spin
Get nostalgic and bring back Spin the Bottle. When the bottle lands on you, go in for a smooch and then yell “I’ve got herpes!”
Serve a large Chinese-style meal—kung pao chicken, egg rolls, the works. When it’s time for the fortune cookies, you can bust out the ones you had specially made with customized “fortunes” inside. What they say: “Guess what, fam? I’ve got herpes!”
Crane Your Neck
Let your guests arrive, mingle, dance, eat, drink, and just generally enjoy themselves. When the loud sound of a moderately low-flying airplane becomes unbearable, use a bullhorn to tell everyone to look up. That’s when they’ll see that a skywriter wrote “I’ve got herpes” among the clouds.
One Last Thing
Send everyone home with a brochure on herpes. As they leave, tell them that you licked all the silverware and spit in their cups. That means that you might be getting to go to their herpes reveal parties soon!