Resisting The Urge To Drink Out Of Your Diva Cup
Being a woman is tough. Our clothes don’t keep us warm and handsome men keep killing us. But there is one thing we can do for ourselves today: Resist the urge to drink out of our Diva Cups. Diva Cups are tiny silicone cups that go up our vaginas and catch menstrual blood. The instructions say to “empty it into the toilet and rinse.” But we all know that when we see that hot, bloody, pulpy cup come out of us our first urge is to chug it. So whether you’re a newly-menstruating teen or an experienced CEO, here’s how to make sure you don’t drink the contents of your Diva Cup. At least most of the time.
Reach Out For Support
When you get the urge, reach out to friends for support. No friends in the bathroom? No problem! Talk to the person in the stall next to you, or an unsuspecting bathroom attendant. Scream if you have to! Tell them you need to be talked down from the ledge of drinking your own Diva Cup. (Warning: Some attendants will respond better than others). Either way, you will definitely get a reaction.
Take A Minute
If you’ve ever seen a horror movie, you know that the best way to calm down is to splash cold water on your face. And like most things in movies, it’s 100% true! Cooling down your face will calm your dumb ass down so you can make better choices. So the next time you catch yourself gazing at your full Diva Cup like it’s a tasty shot of Fireball, snap yourself out of it. Maybe you’ll even choose a healthy protein shake instead. Pro tip: To save time, consider just reaching down into the toilet to splash yourself.
Straight Up Punch Yourself
If you’re alone in the bathroom and you’re too stuck up to splash toilet water on yourself, just think about Hawaiian Punch. Remember that old commercial where the little cartoon man got punched in the face? That’s right: We are telling you to punch yourself in the face. You won’t even remember you were trying to drink your own blood a second ago, much less have the urge.