English Regional Terms For Buttholes: A Beginner's Guide
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The Beginner’s Guide To England’s Regional Butthole Slang

Welcome to The Beginner’s Guide, our recurring series where our experts provide everything you need to know about your new endeavor, regardless of what it is.

This week, we’ll be taking you through:

The Beginner’s Guide To England’s Regional Butthole Slang

The United Kingdom is a very small country, but it’s such an old country that dozens of communities developed independently of one another. While they all speak English, they all have their own accent and their own words for things. Nowhere are these differences between the many regions of the U.K. more prevalent than in the many different English regional terms for buttholes.

Soho

The fashionable part of London may not seem like a place where buttholes would even be discussed, but they’ve got a name for the butthole there, and it’s “the mysterious Mr. Boddington.”

Middlesex

The Who had a song called “Happy Jack,” which just so happens to be what people from their area call a butthole: a “happy Jack,” or in older generations, a “sailor Jack.”

Newcastle

As the historical headquarters of British coal production, Newcastle is so naturally rich in the fuel source that it inspired the phrase “like carrying coals to Newcastle,” which means “redundant.” That’s why, when they poop in Newcastle, they call it “carrying coals out of Newcastle.”

Bath

The city was once a hot springs bath resort for Romans in ancient times. Those bubbling waters cleaned out many a high-ranking Roman official’s butthole, which is why today in Bath, buttholes are called “Caesar salads.” Dining out gets very confusing.

Liverpool

Things are a bit more rough and tumble up there, so they’re a little more graphic with their name for the butthole, which is a “turd niche.”

Eaton

The legendary boys school in the county of Berkshire is almost as legendary for its tomfoolery bordering on self-exploration bordering on intimacy that leads to friendships that last a lifetime. At any rate, Eton men call a butthole a “hot dinner.” And “Eton mess” was right there.

Birmingham

This conservative, industrial area has an appropriately blunt name for the butthole: “waste pucker.”

Cheddar

Known for its cheese and also its cave, they call a butthole, naturally, a “privy cheese cave.”

Stratford-Upon-Avon

Shakespeare invented hundreds of words that became standard English, like “swagger,” “uncomfortable,” and even several names. Did you know he created “Jessica” for The Merchant of Venice? It’s only appropriate, then, that in Shakespeare’s birthplace of Stratford-Upon-Avon, the choice term for a butthole is also “Jessica.”

Yorkshire

If you’ve got to poop in Yorkshire, you’d say that you’re “feeling a crumbling in your jammy dodger.” Again, seems like a real missed opportunity when “Yorkshire pudding” was available.

Cockney

The lower-income class in London’s East End known as Cockneys have a slang-based language all their own. For generations, they’ve created new terms for things based on words that rhyme with the thing they’re talking about. (“China plate” means “mate,” for example, and “mate” is British slang for “friend.”) To get the Cockney phrase for butthole, some guy took “stinky butthole” and changed it to “inky nut bowl,” and then it’s a quick jump over to “squiddy peanut cup.”

Blackpool

The coastal resort town is historically a vacation destination, filled with boardwalks, diversions, and other fun beach-town stuff, but none of that explains why they call a butthole a “Lord Farthington.”

The Midlands

It’s a “leavings chute.”

Images: Pixabay, PixabayPixabayAcabashi, Pixabay

Brian Boone
Brian Boone

Author - Failed Contestant - Human

Brian Boone writes comedy and trivia on the internet and in books, which is like the old timey internet. He shamed his family by losing on Jeopardy.

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