Explore Polyamory By Playing The New ‘Mario Swinger Party’
Marriage is a sacred, intimate commitment built upon communication and trust. But sometimes you just want to get it on with some randos while watching a stranger shtup your wife. So open up your relationship (and explore polyamory!) in the most fun way possible by playing Mario Swinger Party. This may seem like an unexpected release for the mostly kid-friendly Nintendo company, and that’s because it isn’t technically from them. This title is an unsanctioned, unlicensed, and unlawful game that you’ll need to go through some shady back channels to get your gloved hands on. But once you do, this knockoff is the perfect way to start knocking boots outside the confines of traditional monogamy.
Invite some couples over and fire this bad boy up. Instead of coins, players will compete to collect keys from a bowl. This will lead to you pairing off in all sorts of interesting combinations. Waluigi might get a chance to sample the princess’ peach, and Donkey Kong may get to plant his seed in Daisy’s flower bed (and yes, this will all correlate with real-life fucking).
If you’re feeling particularly adventurous, you can skip all the foreplay and get straight into the good stuff by blowing on a character’s warp skin whistle. Throw off your overalls and start ground pounding away in an utter fuck free-for-all. We’re talking brother-on-super-smash-brother mutual mustache rides and setting off fireworks as you slide down their pole. And unlike in other Mario Party games, the goal is to actually be the last to finish. If you can hold out, then you will be declared the champ of the Mushroom Stamp Kingdom.
If this seems lewd, that’s because—duh—it is! But hey, there are much worse things you can learn from playing video games, and this lets you and your partner(s) explore your sexuality in the safety and comfort of your (now very wet) living room.
And if you’re not a fan of Nintendo, you can also try the upcoming poly games Mineshaft, Call of Booty, and Red Head: Consumption. Or if you’re single, you can expand your horizons (and flexibility) by playing Grand Theft Autofellatio.
Images: Pexels, Nintendo
