Cuck My Life: I Get Off On Your Success

April 18, 2018 by , featured in Health
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Confession time: I’ve had a hell of a run so far. I’ve been told by my friends that I am lucky to have what I’ve been afforded in life, with my peak physical condition, my well-paying job, and my lovely circle of friends and family. But after so many years of spoiling myself with what I always believed was my birthright, my life has ultimately become empty and dull, as if the road to my greatest desires has become worn out from such frequent travels.

Naturally, I tried everything I could to spice up my time on this Earth. I traveled around the world, taking in new environments, cultures, and mind-enhancing drugs that promised to reinvigorate my perspective. While it certainly made things way more vivid and intense, it wasn’t long before my soul went limp, and no amounts of spiritual counseling or lifestyle amendments could get it up anymore.

Now, just so we’re clear here, this is probably a sexual thing.

Soon enough, I could no longer feel the rush of conquering mountain summits in Africa or helping Tsunami aid efforts in the Far East; rather, I would find myself counting the minutes until I’d hazily be able to go back to the office on Monday. That’s not to say I didn’t have goals or desires, as my bucket list is still close to overflowing. But I had been living my dreams for so long, the exceptional had become the ordinary.

I needed a change, and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. What do you give the man who always gets what he wants? You give him the opportunity to give back, and allow others to live his dreams, desires, and fantasies. I want to give others the chance to experience my incredible hopes and dreams through their own eyes, and all I ask for in return is that I want to watch.

I want my dreams to become your reality. I want you to feel the rush of escaping the claws of death as you ride the deadly waves of the Banzai Pipeline. I want you try your hand at Muay Thai in Indonesia, fighting for prize money against some of the most dangerous individuals on the planet. I want to hunt wild boar through the brush and swampland of the Lone Star State. I want you to live your best life, which is my best life, and I’ll be right behind you, supporting you through every step of the way and also staring at you while you do it.

It’s 2018, and sex is a good thing now, even if that means the feelings I get when I watch you eat stuffed crust pizza when I’m on a strict diet.

I mean, even if my bigger, crazier goals are not your speed, there’s plenty of personal accomplishments I’d love to watch you bring to life. You can land the big promotion at my job, impressing my boss and colleagues while I lurk in a dark corner. You can finally patch things up with my father, which could help you overcome your own parental issues, and I’ll be the shoulder for both of you to cry on but don’t ever address directly. You can even finally get that kiss from my high school crush, who moved towns two weeks before graduation, which should give you a major confidence boost and give me my own deep, extremely private gratification.

Now, just so we’re clear here, this is probably a sexual thing. I haven’t quite figured out why or how, but I feel like I should be an open book just in case because trust is important. I want you to know that I’m not just asking you to live my dreams for some sick, sadistic reason. For me, I also want to be sure that, in case this is indeed a sexual thing and I’m a goal-oriented cuck who needs this to shoot my goo, everything between us remains positive and judgement free. It’s 2018, and sex is a good thing now, even if that means the feelings I get when I watch you eat stuffed crust pizza when I’m on a strict diet.

If you’re at all uncomfortable with this potential change-of-pace, just think about all the good that making my dreams come true will do for your life. You can hold yourself in high self-esteem knowing you’re helping someone and taking your life to the next level. You can ride this momentum to find the courage to make changes in your own life, like going back to college and finishing your degree or finally make an effort to get that cute bartender’s number. The opportunities are endless, and every time you find yourself in victory, having conquered the obstacles of your self-prescribed limitations, you will know that I’m just a few feet away with my eye on you.

I know that my hopes and goals can seem impossible, but I know that they’re not, because I can do it. If I can do it, you can do it, too. If you can do it, I can watch you do it, and it’ll feel even better than if I did it.

How valuable are your own goals, anyhow? Clearly, you’re not reaching your potential in life, or else you wouldn’t still be reading this. Even if you have vivid, exciting dreams of becoming rich and famous or even just getting the respect of your peers, you’re the only one that’s keeping you from unlocking your true self from the cage of inhibition and shame. I’m willing to grant you that freedom, and after a few completed goals, not only do I promise that your life will be better, but you won’t even know I’m there.

Trust me, I will be there… and I will be watching. Become the winner I want to be, and help me be the person I need to be, which is a guy who wants to turn the inside of his chinos into a modern Pompeii.


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1 Comment

  1. confession: I don’t know what meditation is. I just let that voice in me that said ‘you can’t’ finally take over until weird fucking shit happened.

    I’m half-drunk.

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