My Child Is Throwing Turtles At Me: Is ‘Mario Kart’ To Blame?

Before we get started, I want to make one thing clear: I love my son with all my heart. He is a sweet boy who thinks of others and loves to draw. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for him. But he is throwing turtles at me and it’s starting to get out of hand. Could Mario Kart be to blame?

We bought my son a Nintendo Switch and Mario Kart 8 a few months ago, and the turtle-throwing began soon after. My son runs into the room at full speed, turtle in hand, and whips one at me as hard as he can. Granted, he’s only eight, so it’s not like I’m being hurt by these turtles. But the psychological impact of having a reptile thrown at you in your own home cannot be understated.

Don’t get me wrong, we love Mario Kart in our house. We even bought some extra controllers so we could play as a family. I especially like when someone gets a lightning bolt and makes all the racers very small! But I would set that video game console ablaze if it meant I’d never again open my cupboard to find my son hunched inside with a turtle ready to throw.

I don’t think this would be so distressing if I just knew where all the turtles were coming from. It’s not the same turtle. I’ve checked. Is my son finding the turtles in the yard? Is he biking down to the swamp by the old mill? That is very far away. I’ve been to all our neighborhood pet stores and asked them not to sell turtles to my son. Some of them have been understanding, but a lot of them say they can’t, in good conscience, deny a turtle a home. I tried to explain that it’s not in the turtle’s best interest to be bought by my son and thrown at me, but my concerns were ignored.

No matter what happens, I’ll always love my son and do everything I can for him. And it could definitely be worse. At least he’s not jumping on turtles and squishing their bodies out of their shell like that Henderson boy down the street.

Image: Pixabay/Nintendo