Nostalgia Alert! Nintendo Switch Online Is Bringing Back Your Dead Grandma

October 19, 2019 by , featured in Video Games
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Nintendo seems perfectly content to let PlayStation and Xbox take the lead in more “sophisticated” games. For them, the money is in nostalgia. The company recently produced the hottest holiday gifts with both the NES and SNES Classic Editions—miniaturized replicas of its beloved ’80s and ’90s consoles pre-loaded with classic games. And the launch of Nintendo Switch Online again let fans relive their childhoods with dozens of NES and SNES games (Excitebike, Star Fox, Super Mario Kart—to name just a few). But what’s next? How does Nintendo plan to up the nostalgia factor? By bringing your dead grandma back to life, that’s how!

Yes, your grandma. And your grandma, too!

She died in 1993, when your life was perfect and you could play all the Nintendo you wanted. She lived nearby; you baked cookies together and went on neighborhood strolls. Then, one day you woke up and your mom was crying because Grandma died in her sleep. It sucked. But now, Nintendo can revive the one thing you really miss most from the ’90s! (Yes, your grandma.)

How It Happened

Oddly enough, Nintendo wasn’t even trying to develop reanimation technology. Its hardware engineers in Seattle were attempting to digitize and upload the features of classic Nintendo accessories when one of the techs worked himself to death. He had toiled for 200 hours before collapsing on a table between an NES Zapper and a Super Scope. Nobody noticed, nor that his lifeless hand came to rest on an R.O.B.’s metallic claw. Throw in a freak lightening storm, and the guy was back at work within the day (though he was admittedly way more “zombie-like” as his friends and loved ones have since said).

Nintendo’s marketing team quickly realized that the best use of the company’s newfound ability to raise the dead was to revive the dead grandmas of its aging, achingly nostalgic fanbase. So if you want to bring your grandma back from the dead and have her reanimated corpse slumped in a chair at Christmas, make sure to sign up for Nintendo Switch Online today!

Images: Pexels, Nintendo

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