Ecco The Dolphin Is Dead Because We Did Nothing About Climate Change
A ton of ’90s kids will likely remember the beloved Sega Genesis game Ecco the Dolphin. It followed Ecco, a resourceful dolphin attempting to save the world from aliens, and it was one of the best-selling games of the year (and placed number 24 on Sega’s Top Mega Drive Games of All Time). In fact, we loved the game so, so much that we kind of missed a few important details about actual threats to our oceans. And now Ecco and his entire family are dead because of climate change.
Let’s be clear…
We deeply loved Ecco and definitely wanted to save his family. But honestly, we were kind of led astray as to the nature of his problems. In the game, you get advice from a big blue whale and an ancient jellyfish who seemed to know their shit. According to them, the biggest threat to dolphins is a dolphin-eating alien species called the Vortex. Accordingly, we’ve all spent the last 30 years super alert to potential threats from the skies. Consequently, we sorta missed that we’ve been throwing every piece of garbage imaginable into the ocean (not to mention burning enough fossil fuels to set the planet on fire). It just seemed like if plastic or gasoline or whatever was really that big of a concern, the big blue whale would’ve said something.
And we can’t forget about the whole shark thing…
One of the biggest lessons we took from this stellar game with groovy music is that sharks are assholes. You’ll be swimming slash moving time-traveling crystals (as dolphins do), and a stupid shark will munch right through you. So yes, when we heard sharks were being over-hunted in what amounted to a “global killing spree,” we, uh, basically ignored it. Seriously, we assumed we were helping! Look, Sega trained us to be #TeamDolphin, and it mentioned nothing about ecosystem balance! We’re very sorry that the sharks are dead because this game taught us to ram them with our faces.
It’s Fine, The Pteranodon Will Help
If Ecco taught us anything, it’s that hope is never truly lost. Even though we accidentally caused catastrophic warming that will likely lead to the death of not only dolphins, but most life on earth, there’s always a way out. Which is why we’re screaming at the sky to the Pteranodon to help us. It’s exactly what Ecco always did!
Oh, an extinct pteranodon can’t stop climate change, you say? Wait, extinct?! What didn’t that fucking dolphin game lie about?!